Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Developing a Brocabulary: Barticulation

Been a bit since I've done one of these, but there is still much to be gained from the pages of Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk, so let's do it to it.

Now I myself have for better or worse been off the drinking wagon for the better part of a year now, but that doesn't mean I don't still enjoy a trip to the local pub. So in honor of both my buddies who I'm sure will be putting up a tab that makes the national debt look like small potatoes at my wedding as well as the hard working men and women of the alcohol service industry, of which I was once a part of (story for another day), it's time for some Barticulation or Articulation that occurs at a bar, or that applies to boozing it and losing it.

bartificial intelligence - The fake intelligence that occurs when you're drunkenly rambling at the bar.

barjack - To take over a bar by force, whether by brolling deep or by being obnoxious jackasses: "Dude, let's go to Futtbuckers!" "But it's trivia night." "So what, we'll just barjack the place. Put on your boots, there's going to be a bro storm!"

bar par - The number of drinks that it's appropriate to consume at a given bar. "Dude, this is the Swiggin' Brigand--you're six shots and one funnel under the bar par."

barsenal - Your alcoholic arsenal. "I always keep absinthe in my barsenal--the stuff is ginamite."

benderdome - A one-on-one drinking session cum competition between you and your bro in which "two men enter, one man leaves," in the tradition of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. It's up to you whether you want to go as far as incorporating a Wheel of Fortune that outlines fates such as Amputation, Gulag, or Thirty Hours of Lifetime Television.

Wow, there's lots of good stuff in this chapter, so we'll revisit at a later date.

(This entry dedicated to the original Naked Trojan and one of history's greatest drinkers, Mr. Abraham Lincoln--and there's a story there too)

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