Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Oh Crystal, you utter hussy...

Crystal's greatest infidelity hits, from the recently-collected Avengers: Vision & The Scarlet Witch - A Year in the Life.

To set the scene, at the time of this series, Crystal was married to Quicksilver and had recently given birth to their daughter, Luna. Let's see what our favorite elemental Inhuman/village bicycle is up to...

Why I never!

For those of you who didn't want to blow up the panels, let me share some highlights from Crystal Rationalization Theater:


CRYSTAL - "We've always had to sneak before, Norman -- what with Wanda and Vizh living so close by! But now that they're on vacation--! Oh, it's so perfect!"


NORMAN: "If only you weren't married--!" (She knows how to pick 'em!)

CRYSTAL: "Now, Norman, we promised we weren't going to talk about that!"


NORMAN: "Let's tell [Quicksilver]! Tell him you want a divorce and stop sneaking around!"

CRYSTAL: "Well...easy for you to say! You don't have nearly as much to lose!" (Norman, you selfish asshole!)


CRYSTAL: "It's better I continue to tell [Quicksilver] I miss Earth, take the anti-pollution potion (Science!), and come down for fabulous weekends -- and I do mean fabulous, hunk-o!" ("Hunk-o" is Inhuman Royal Family for "convenient")


Annnnnd scene!

All together now...

OH CRYSTAL! (Cue laugh track and closing theme)


Kevin said...

Oh how I do so enjoy our mutual dislike of Crystal. She's just so awful.

Ben Morse said...

Her only redeeming value is having starred in a comic I edited (and that Jay Faerber wrote, I suppose...)

Trinity said...

She is the Marvel Hussy.

She starts with the Human Torch, then goes to Quicksilver, sneaks around with a human, then gets in a wierd love triangle with the Black Knight and Sersi, and now she is married to Ronan. She hit the FF, Avengers, and the Kree. Hussy.

Trinity said...

Oh, but you can't blame her for cheating on Quicksilver. I mean, if he's that fast on land, imagine how quick he is in between the sheets.

Ben Morse said...

Don't forget The Sentry, Trinity.

Alexander Lorenzen said...

I actually really like Crystal in the modern Inhumans comics. Especially her relationship with Ronan in War of Kings and Realm of Kings. I blame old comics. The writing was always so terrible and sexist. I can't even get through a whole panel of Stan Lee's writing.

Trinity said...

She dated the Sentry too. Damn. And I think in one of those Inhumans series she had a boyfriend. She is a Super Tramp.

I agree what they are doing with her now is pretty good though.

George Washington Carver said...

Awesome post, Ben. Pietro also looks like a weird Vulcan.

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