Let's go ahead and file this one under "The Internet Is Fucking Crazy, Case #438,394,875,222." Above is a screen cap from Marvel Comics' MarvelKids.com site, which we've spoken about here a few times. It's got games and cartoons and other kid-friendly content starring Marvel superheroes. Fun for the whole family, right? But were you aware of the other, super secret, Canadian MarvelKids site? No, it doesn't feature Alpha Flight, it features content swiped from American comics bloggers.
Rewind to last week: my friend Laura Hudson of the always indispensable Comics Alliance e-mails me with a subject line that simply reads "Have you seen this?" and a link to what looks vaguely like my entry to Linko! XI on the "weblogue" MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com. I say vaguely like because...well, there have been some slight alterations made. Shall I elaborate?
Here's me transitioning from links involving the election protests in Iran to that goofy X-Men sex chart that's been going around:
All right, back to our regularly scheduled stupidity. The above screencap is only a fraction of the madness that is sprawling relationship map of the cast of the Uncanny X-Men. I remember being in high school and the girls at the lunch table doing this with friends of mine. In any event, as Agent M said to Topless Robot when it was passed between them: "That's like the videotape in The Ring. Once you see it, you have to pass it on so you don't die. MADNESS."
Now here's the same section from MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com:
All perfect, up to our regularly scheduled simple-mindedness. The immune to aside screencap is reclusive a fraction of the ridiculousness that is sprawling relationship map of the send of the Uncanny X-Men. I about being in elaborate State school and the girls at the lunch columnar list doing this with friends of lode. In any anyway in the fact, as Agent M said to Topless Robot when it was passed between them: That’s like the videotape in The Ring. Once you conceive of it, you cause to pass it on so you don’t lessen. MADNESS.
Yup. As far as I can tell, what this blog does is take American blog posts in their entirety, translates them into French, translates them back into English and then reposts them devoid of credit, context or (in the case of Linko!) links.
And it doesn't stop with the CKT! You can read the retranslated version of Hudson's own "5 Greatest Michael Jackson Moments in Comics" which somehow turns the word "dead" into "two-dimensional" amongst other HI-LARIOUS switcheroos, and there are also think pieces swiped from the Hooded Utilitarian, some particularly bizarre reviews and much, much more.
My personal favorite comics-related swipe involves what the site does with Heidi MacDonald's mock Royal We from The Beat. Here's Heidi on her trip to the recent Wizard World Philly show:
Given the Wizard organization’s well publicized personnel downsizings, it was a pleasant surprise to see so many attendees at the show on Saturday. (The other two days, traditional ghost towns, upheld that tradition from what we heard.) PR from Wizard pegs attendance as 30,000 — it wasn’t that many, perhaps a third of that, but the crowd was encouragingly diverse. Lots of parents with young kids dressed as their favorite characters, girls and boys. The girls in particular were notably adorable and enthusiastic…oh Marvel and DC, when are you going to figure out that this is an audience that can only grow?
And here she is after she's been "blogued":
Given the Wizard organization’s luxuriously publicized personnel downsizings, it was a welcoming disconcert to meditate on so individual attendees at the plain on Saturday. (The other two days, stock ghost towns, upheld that lore from what we heard.) PR from Wizard pegs assembly as 30,000 - it wasn’t that individual, Deo volente a third of that, but the great deal b much was encouragingly distinctive. The girls in notable were oddly appealing and in good. Lots of parents with minor kids dressed as their favorite characters, girls and boys. oh Marvel and DC, when are you thriving to fathom gone that this is an audience that can contrariwise plant?
But wait, you guys....it's gets SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better! The best posts to MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com involve things that have little or nothing to do with comics at all, including this casual review of "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen":
That weapon is unseen in the pyramids (makes sense), and the final forty-five minutes of the big are an action-packed final settlement in the abandon. The Decepticons (the villain deride Transformers) demand this forcefulness because they can deplete it to power up a mammoth glimmer gun that destroys stars, and they demand to disable the bric-Е-brac (just because they’re villain guys), and with it, Planet Earth. There are no greater than harmonious distressed moments, like when Sam and his shocker girlfriend Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) are hiding outdoors in a uninitiated clay bind and a bantam robotic critter creeps past a protestation flaw and discovers them moments in forefront of the roof of the bind is torn dotty beside a mammoth Decepticon. That entirely was as a naughtiness.
I'm not sure if that review is positive or negative, but it kind of makes me want to see the movie anyway. And oh man...I have no fucking clue what this thing is, but it may be one of the most wonderful pieces of language I have ever encountered. Please, click through and experience "All I thirst for is a Cookie, The Green Mama":
He was peacefulness half asleep. They are sluggish and peacefulness all excited and they foul odour like a quaint flatter of babies and drool and they in genuinely suffer to you be tabled and neck them and ruffle their ringlets. I attachment it when my kids are peacefulness half asleep. This ungenerous slice of Fortunate but lasts a some minutes, but I attachment it more than any other before you can denote ‘Jack Robinson’ in the prime.
You know, back in the day when I worked at Wizard, there was some European comics blog set up on blogspot that would take the news stories we'd write and just repost them top to bottom with images and all, only graciously cutting out bylines from the proceedings. That really chapped my ass, but MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com? I'm actually kind of flattered that this exists. Do you think it's an actual dude who just really want to get our stuff out there or some bizarre robot who's obsessed with the same things as Ben and I?
I wonder if they'll translate this post.