Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Election Night Special: Vote Timber Wolf!

I’m somewhat sad to say I did not vote today. I’m glum about it because it wasn’t so long ago I felt like American politics was maybe something I could really get into, but these days, it seems like it’s more about “My guy won!” and cheering for your party regardless of the candidate they field, not exercising our right to choose and picking the best man or woman or the job. I see a situation more resembling a Thanksgiving day football game than a spirited debate, and it bums me out.

Fortunately, one electoral process never lets me down and it’s returned just when I needed it most: The Legion of Super-Heroes Team Leader Election!

Yes, seminal Legion scribe Paul Levitz in his latest LSH run has brought back with him one of the title’s most time-honored traditions from his initial stint during the 1980’s, that being fans getting to select who will in fact lead the team into the next year or so worth of adventures. Back in the day, you’d address a letter and send it off to DC headquarters, but as we inch ever closer to the 30th—well, 31st now, I guess—century, the election has now gone digital!

With the previous ballots being cast way before my time, I’ve never had the opportunity to participate in this fine example of future democracy in action, but rest assured, my vote has already been made and I’m here to tell you the right candidate for the job.

See, while David Uzumeri may be stumping for Quislet, MightyGodKing has endorsed Gates and Phil Jimenez is perennially in the tank for Dream Girl, the only Legionnaire truly up for the challenge is the man, the myth, the guy who carried out Karate Kid’s crazy will for him…Timber Wolf!

Allow me to now lay out my argument with a series of points I shall make up as I go along.

He’s got tenure
Ok, granted it’s easier to understand Middle Eastern foreign policy than Legion of Super-Heroes continuity, but pretty much no matter how you slice it, Timber Wolf has been with the team bordering on forever. He doesn’t take hiatuses to get married, have kids, teach at the Academy or even discover new drugs to protect Superboy from Kryptonite or whatever, he just keeps on plugging away on the front lines, punching stuff and getting punched back until Mon-El or Saturn Girl save the day.

He’s got experience
T-Wolf served as Deputy Leader under Sensor Girl during the Magic Wars, over the course of which only one Legionnaire died, and then was leader for an undocumented term during the presumably-no-longer-in-continuity “Five Year Gap,” during which I’m sure he performed with stellar skill, in no way contributing to the team’s collapse and bleak universe that emerged from that period.

He’s got nothing else going on
Seriously, outside of being a Legionnaire, Brin Londo does, like, nothing. His personal life is crap. He dated Lightning Lass for awhile, she ditched him for Shrinking Violet, and he’s been single going on three decades through multiple reboots. He’ll always give the Legion his all if only because he has literally nothing better to do.

He had his own series
Suck on that every other Legionnaire but Karate Kid and Cosmic Boy. And it was set in the 90’s. And he was responsible for creating Jamm!

He gets shit done
Remember when I mentioned earlier that thing about Karate Kid’s will? Basically after Val Armorr died, his final request to his buddy Timber Wolf was for him to go the planet Lythyl, a world populated by hundreds of bad ass martial artist ne’er-do-wells, fight his way through all of them, use his bare hands to pound a hole in the rock-hard soil and plant a friggin’ flower or something—and he does it! If you can’t count on Timber Wolf given something like that, who the heck can you count on? (This all went down in Legion of Super-Heroes v3 #13, by the way, and if you haven’t read it, do so immediately as it is awesome)

He deserves a turn
I don’t want to see Cosmic Boy, Element Lad or even Wildfire as leader again, I want something new.

He’s awesome
Seriously, though I poked some fun at him with most of these items, Timber Wolf is one of my favorite Legionnaires. He’s so rough around the edges, yet has the true heart of a hero; he’s dumb enough to not realizing he’s being a jerk sometimes, but also too sincere to ever really mean it. His powers are strictly middle of the road—bit of enhanced strength, touch of above average agility, super senses here and there—but like I said he is always first into the fray whether he should be or not; bro’s endearing.

He’s really not qualified…
…and that makes for the best stories.


Anonymous said...

I voted for Shrinking Violet. (The gal who stole your fave's squeeze -- heh heh). I tried to find ways to stuff the ballot box for her, but, alas, I failed.

If Timber Wolf won, tho, I wouldn't mind. He's one of my favorite Legionnaires, and he's not gotten much panel-time in the new series so far. Plus, what you said.


Lint said...

His costume looks like a recycled Starfox uniform. Or vice versa.

Ben Morse said...

Vice versa.

sex shop said...

So, I do not really suppose this is likely to work.