Thursday, August 19, 2010

Random Thoughts on The Expendables' Body Counts

I have unfortunately not gotten a chance to see The Expendables yet, but rest assured this situation will be rectified ASAP. I'm extremely proud this film out-did Eat Pray Love at the box office this past weekend and proved America still runs on testosterone (international readers, please let me know if your respective nations also use similar fuel).

This morning, Ryan sent me a link to Screen Rant's rad chart tallying up the body count notched by each Expendables principal in their prior roles (click this link and/or see below).

Some random thoughts after the pretty picture of manhood...

-I can't express how much I love that Dolph Lundgren's list starts with one kill from Rocky IV and that yes, it's that kill.

-Lundgren obviously scored a lot off his made-for-DVD movies most likely on his way to the top, but did he seriously off 41 people in Masters of the Universe? Far more than in two Universal Soldier flicks combined? Wow, no wonder I walked out of that movie scared as a kid (because apparently I was a little girl).

-Only Dolph Lundgren could still manage to kill two people in a movie called Jill The Ripper.

-Stallone killed somebody in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot? AMAZING!

-In the first Rambo, Sly killed one person. In the next two, he slaughtered 151 people. Rambo IV is also far and away the top single deadliest movie of anybody on the list with 81 kills. And despite this, he still barely gets half of Lundgren's total. He really did break him.

-Ryan and I were both impressed that Jet Li got third with comparatively so few movies, but also a bit surprised that the list was so short given how long he's been around. What we reckon is in a lot of movies he just didn't kill anybody because, as Ryan put it: "He just likes to hurt."

-Bruce Willis killed more people in Cop Out than in Pulp Fiction. Just let that marinate.

-John Cerilli on "Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "I'm surprised his career isn't on that list after The Condemned." (I never saw The Condemned myself, but having moderated a panel with SCSA and Vinnie Jones on it to promote the movie in Wizard World L.A. a few years back and nearly having my hand broken by a fist bump from Mr. Austin's giant smoking skull ring, I would never call it anything but a modern classic)

-I'm sure if they included Old Spice commercials, Terry Crews could do better.

-Randy Couture is obviously a huge p*ssy.

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