Monday, January 7, 2013

Paragraph Movie Reviews: 10 Years

If you don't have plans to see this movie, you can check the spoilers here and then come back.

10 Years is a movie produced by and starring Channing Tatum and written and directed by Jamie Linden (he wrote We Are Marshall and Dear John, neither of which I've seen); it chronicles the 10 year reunion of a high school class, ostensibly centered around Tatum's Jake seeing his old girlfriend Mary (Rosario Dawson) for the first time in nearly a decade, but actually really well-balanced with storylines for just about every member of the impressive ensemble cast given if not equal then respectable and appropriate weight. From what I understand, Tatum doubled as pseudo-casting director, getting his actual wife Jenna Dewan to play Jake's new girlfriend, Jess, and a bunch of his real life buddies to play his group of friends in the movie; all of it makes for great chemistry and a sense that this was genuinely fun and maybe a bit emotional to make, which translates into the story and end product feeling very natural. Honestly, everybody in the movie is good--just seeing the cast list at the end of the trailer is what got me interested in watching--and I could run down each one by one if it didn't violate the core mission statement of my "paragraph movie reviews" (which I already do by making each of them like nine sentences long and ignoring obvious breaks...but I digress). Chris Pratt is a standout as Cully, the "reformed" bully who spends the movie trying to convince his high school victims that he's grown up, but instead gets so drunk he makes everybody around him uncomfortable and thoroughly embarrasses his wife, a put-upon Ari Graynor; what makes Pratt's performance special is he's doing the same goofball, slapstick comedy he does on Parks and Rec and everywhere else, but while it starts off funny, by the end it's just tragic how obviously trapped this guy is and what a mess he's made of what seems on the surface to be a decent life. Oscar Isaac as Reeves, the classmate who became a famous musician, has the genuinely touching love story of the movie with Elise--the always underrated Kate Mara--the outsider girl he's been carrying a torch for since high school and ignores all the people who want his autograph to adorably flirt with all film. There's something for everybody whether you're looking for pathos, romance, comedy or whatever here, and it's all done within the framework of a story that feels real. The little things that bothered me early on to the last got resolved or had a turn that turned me around by the end. Justin Long and Max Minghella's buddy comedy ends up having a heartfelt twist; the weirdness between Jake and Mary that felt a bit overwrought gets totally redeemed by their final scene together; Scott Porter feels marginalized for the first two thirds of the movie as the friend who moved to Japan and seems to just be there to fill another seat in the car (and his character's name is Scott P), then has an awesomely Scott Porter scene and fantastic Scott Porter speech that you realize could only have been given by a character who had been somewhat on the fringe, and it all feels justified. This movie really won me over (as you can probably tell) on just about every level; you may enjoy it a bit more if you're approaching or past your own 10 year reunion (I'm a little over two years past), but I think anybody looking for a well done, entertaining little piece of entertainment with a brilliant, well-utilized cast will dig it.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

XOXO 4 Ever: Ben & Kiel Say Goodbye to Gossip Girl Pt. 2

Previously on Cool Kids Table, Ben and Kiel revealed their roots as Gossip Girl fans, talked about the show's origins, discussed the Blair-Chuck wedding an more. We continue...


Ben: Ok, before we get to the big stuff, let’s talk Dan and Serena. As people were falling in love with the Chuck/Blair pairing season two and beyond, I was the dude sitting there screaming “The show is about Dan and Serena, people!” I stuck to my guns on this one no matter how boring Dan got (in the opinion of others—I always thought Lonely Boy was the best) or how loathsome Serena became; I firmly believed that both characters and their story would be redeemed if they ended the show together, and…I still feel that way.

Kiel: I wasn't assuming or rooting for them to end up together, really. I just wanted to see how they would logically make an ending happen after all the awful shit these people have done to one another. But again, I'll wait to put all my pieces together. Proceed.

Ben: Yes, it’s a bit creepy that Serena ended up with the guy who essentially admitted to being her long-term stalker (which actually makes total sense because she’s a narcissist). Yes, Dan forgave a shitload more than any sane person would have (I still think she got off way too easy for making that sex tape last season; when this season opened she was back to pouting about how everybody else ruined her life when she was a monster and that’s probably the biggest dangling unresolved thread I have an issue with). And yeah, it’s kind of a bummer the way that otherwise glorious flashback scene to the high school (junior high?) party complete Chuck Bass in all his scarf-adorned glory underlined how far they are from the relatively decent people they were at the beginning of the show, but whatevs. Gossip Girl was about a lot of stuff (and also nothing of substance whatsoever), but more than anything it was about the guy from outside getting the golden girl, so yay for that happy ending.


It also made the reveal of Gossip Girl’s reveal beautifully creepy and subversive.

Kiel: Yes. Well, it was creepy by an objective standard, but by the show's logic I'd argue that the reveal actually CONFIRMS its overall "message." But again, you roll with it...

Ben: First off, the identity of Gossip Girl is a sweater you really can’t pull any strand off if you don’t want it to come apart entirely. I can say with near certainty there are scenes of Dan alone reacting to Gossip Girl blasts and being shocked that blow up the whole deal—I’m sure bigger fans than me have already located said scenes and are crying foul. But I don’t care if the continuity adds up perfectly here—it’s fucking Gossip Girl—or if the creators had this planned from day one—I doubt it—as long as the emotional payoff and explanation works, and I think it did, big time.

Kiel: I've been meaning to rewatch the Season 1 DVDs that I've got around here to see if there's any way they can justify this ending and say that they "planned it from the beginning" or some such. But until then, I'm going to assume you're 100% right.

Ben: Inverting the entire power structure of the show and making Dan the one who was really in charge all along? Brilliant. It retroactively gives all those schemes particularly from the early seasons where he was left on the outside looking in a renewed punch. I also love the larger message underlining Dan’s speech at Thanksgiving dinner to Serena and really showing what this show is about (not learning a lesson): these people were all horrible to each other, but at the end of the day forgave one another literally anything, so the only way to gain not just acceptance but the sort of unquestioned moral free pass you needed to thrive on the Upper East Side was something like this.


All that aside, I do like that when all is said and done the central conceit of the show was acceptance and gaining power respect and all that, but really a guy trying to get a girl. Was the way he went about getting said girl incredibly creepy and beyond borderline sociopathic? Yes! Absolutely! Was it still kind of sweet? Am I a monster if I say yes? I’m ok with that.

I also don’t think the fact that along the way Dan had relationships with Olivia, Vanessa, Blair, etc. blows anything up, because even if he momentarily lost interest in Serena—as a teenager would—that’s no reason he’d want to give up the intoxicating power of being Gossip Girl.

It was smart of them to cover their bases with the “Jenny knew all along” thing (and made for a hilarious “confrontation” scene demonstrating once and for all how low on the totem pole of respect and relevance Rufus is), but they hammered a little too hard with how Dan shutting down Gossip Girl after Blair and Chuck’s accident made him somehow a good guy; he wasn’t a good guy, but nobody was, so just own it. 

So anyhow, I was thrilled with the Gossip Girl ID. I can’t think of anybody else among the main cast who would have been as satisfying and bringing in somebody from left field would have been fun, but a bit of a cheat.

Kiel: All right. I agree with all of your points in a logistical sense. Dan's reveal made all the right people look foolish and all the the right reasons for his re-acceptance to the crew. I don't mind one iota that his canceling the blog when the car accident happened is a magical forgiveness bullet. I'm down with the "Jenny always knew" thing just because it semi-justifies the way that the characters kept mentioning her once every six weeks for the later seasons when any other show would have just ignored her existence once she was written out. I laughed out loud at the "it's not Dorota" joke.

But what really makes the reveal work is that idea you said about Dan being a monster for hatching a years-long plan to fool this girl into loving him. In anything resembling real life, that's 1000% true. But this is not real life. This is the Upper East Side.


For me, the show has been riding this line for a while where the characters would eventually either err on the side of actual, logical ethical structures (as Blair and Serena often profess to do while making up for the 135th time) or just embrace the evilness of what they are and ride that to its soapy nadir. Is Gossip Girl a series where the pursuit of power and social status is the ultimate moral code? You bet your ass.

I started thinking about this a lot during Season 4 where Sean made the A+ observation on Juliet's reveal as a big villain. She was poor. The poor are the bad guys in this show! For the characters to triumph, they don't have to do what's right. They just have to win the game, and poor people with their petty emotions and sense of fairness never learned to play.

To put it another way, Serena was a goddamned supervillain at the end of last season, and this year they found her out not for revenge but to beg her to rejoin the crew. You follow that through Dan's slow boiling plan of screwing her over so hard that she'd have to respect him (my FAVORITE storyline of the year...and now ultimately the true story of the whole show), and what the writers are showing us is that true happiness for these characters – for this world – is wealth by any means.

And while the reveal feels out of left field in the moment, it feels so right the more you reflect it against any other relationship in the show.


Ben: Speaking of out of left field—those cameos! I love that pics of Katie Cassidy leaked out early so people assumed she’d have a major part in the finale yet Vanessa wouldn’t show up, but instead they both ended up getting the same two-line appearance as Lola and the rest. It maybe would have been nice for them also to get Elizabeth Hurley or Bucky from the Captain America movie (or any of the other male love interests, really), but I was pretty satisfied with what we got. Kristen Bell and out-of-nowhere Rachel Bilson were incredible and made that scene seem more legitimate than it had any right to be; if somebody hasn’t already made a video loop of Kristen’s wink on YouTube yet, there’s your prompt to do so. Nice sneaky touch working in Olivia via Hillary Duff on the playbill for Ivy’s life story in the flash forward as well.

So finally, let’s talk about the flash forward. As already mentioned, the Nate thing was perfect in its sublime ridiculousness. I like that Blair and Chuck had a kid—and named him after Chuck’s French alter ego—because it gave them more substance than the destiny junk. Rufus wearing hipster glasses and being with an un-credited, non-speaking Lisa Loeb is more brilliant than words can express. Eric had a better appearance than Jenny—and I like that he made no effort whatsoever to visually move himself back to that character as opposed to the one he plays on Revenge—and I thought it was pretty BS that she got the “and” in the credits when he’s probably a bigger deal at this point. Lastly, Dan and Serena getting married in Blair’s apartment was ridiculous—I loved it.

Kiel: WOW. You caught so many more of the Easter Eggs than I did! I have it on DVR, so I'll have to go back and rewatch the last ten minutes. I had heard none of the leaks beforehand, so all the cameos were surprising and fun for us. The Bell bit was killer.


But what made me really love the montage into the final ridiculous wedding scene was how every little detail drove home what I was talking about a few paragraphs back. When I saw that Lily and William were still together, I loved it. It confirms everything about the Dan reveal. Ivy Dickens was a poor Florida actress (possibly a graduate of the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks) who also had some serious mental issues in the great "obsessive lover" tradition. But she still did a few decent human things in her arc. She was the only person nice to CeCe at the end and so she won that money for being good. And even though she did awful stuff at the end, it was for a so-called "pure" reason – true love for William. And what did she get for it? William scraped her off like she was dog shit he stepped in at the polo match.

Meanwhile, he and Lily go off to live the end of their romance as ultra wealthy assholes. And even Rufus is just like, "Fuck it! I'll marry Lisa Loeb and be rich!" The ending of that crazy cameo implies is that Rufus learned Dan was right in all this.

Even looking at that last scene in a meta sense supports the triumph of the Upper East Side ethos. Why did Taylor Momsen get a special screen credit when that Eric kid has a better career? Because Taylor Momsen is a fucking name in that ridiculous way that People.com readers kind of care about who she is. All the supporting roles in ABC dramas in the world can't buy Taylor's It Girl cred.


And hey. Pour one out for Georgina Sparks. She may have been a shadow of her former self since sometime around the "I went to Christian Camp" storyline, but never forget that her blowing into town at the end of Season 1 was the thing that galvanized this show's themes. Take a bow, Harriet The Spy.

Ben: The final final scene, with Kristen Bell doing the “you may be rid of Dan Humphrey” narration and then explaining how as long as there are social outsiders there will always be a Gossip Girl felt like a freaking horror movie and was a nice “the characters you love are in their little bubble but the world they live in continues to be terrifying and awful” was the perfect way to end the show and one I never would have guessed.

This was a master class in how to do a series finale, in my opinion, be it ever so humble. Josh Schwartz did a great job on The O.C. with this too, so I’m not surprised. His formula of centering a big current event (the Chuck/Blair wedding or the Cohens moving) while also tying up all the loose ends (Gossip Girl’s identity or the relationship drama) then providing a flash forward so you don’t have to spend time wondering how all the characters ended up is a winner.


Kiel: You may find this random, but this reminded me so much Seinfeld finale. SO much. For years we've been watching these people do horrible and crazy things, and we've been perfectly entertained. Now as one last blast of people they've shit on are paraded in front of us, we realize our worst suspicions about them are totally true. But where Seinfeld reestablishes a normal moral universe at its very end, Gossip Girl revels in the triumph of its subterfuge. In this New York, awful rich people who laugh at a fat guy while he's robbed do not go to jail for a year. They go to a rooftop party where they drink for free, buy drugs from the DJ and embezzle from the host.

Ben: My hat’s off to the folks who created this for an exciting and satisfying finale to a show that wasn’t always good, but never took itself too seriously that I couldn’t at least laugh at it and ultimately taught me nothing.

Kiel: You know you love it.

Ben: XOXO!

But wait! There's more! Coming soon to the Cool Kids Table, the one and only Sean T. Collins joins Ben for an extensive interview on his original Gossip Girl comic, The Secret Origin of Chuck Bass!

Art Attack: March 2013's Coolest Covers

-BOTH Angel & Faith covers are fantastic! Steve Morris' main one pulls a neat trick with the logo and the layers, Rebekah Isaacs' is super fun (plus I love Archie)!

-Phil Noto can do as complex a piece of art as you want, but he's also often at his best with the simple iconic splash, as demonstrated nicely in his take on Wolverine for Astonishing X-Men.

-Mike Del Mundo is probably the fastest rising up and coming star when it comes to cover artists in the game right now. His X-Men Legacy work is beautiful, clever and different every month. The idea of using Legion's power signature as Blindfold's literal blindfold looks so seamless, but how would you think of that? On the flip side, his Avengers Arena is playful and a little dangerous at the same time. He's only going to get better too.

-Patrick Gleason makes it with his Batman & Robin if for no other reason than he worked his signature into the bats in the background. Nice touch.

-I can't objectively say it because I do know the back story, but that image of Hope and Cable by Salvador Larroca on Cable and X-Force is striking even if you have no idea who they are, yeah?

-I have no idea what Dia De Los Muertos is about (ok, I have a hunch), but I feel like Riley Rossmo's cover grabbed me by the eyeballs and won't let go.

-Two questions for Mark Brooks: How did you come up with that idea for the Fearless Defenders "toy" cover and then how the heck did you do it?

-Andrea Sorrentino is another one to watch, and it's neat to see two vastly different genres represented with Green Arrow and I, Vampire.

-Hawkeye #9 by David Aja is the wallpaper on my computer at work right now.

-The "breaking the logo" gimmick is a tried and true one, but it's the latter part for a reason. Using Magneto to crunch it up with his powers is a pretty novel spin by Chris Bachalo on Uncanny X-Men.

-The subtle use of scales for texture adds a lot to Cliff Chiang's Wonder Woman cover.

ANGEL & FAITH #20 by Steve Morris

ANGEL & FAITH #20 by Rebekah Isaacs

ASTONISHING X-MEN #60 by Phil Noto

AVENGERS ARENA #6 by Mike Del Mundo

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE #13 by Nic Klein

BATMAN AND ROBIN #18 by Patrick Gleason

BATMAN INCORPORATED #9 by Chris Burnham

CABLE AND X-FORCE #5 by Salvador Larroca

CAPTAIN MARVEL #11 by Joe Quinones

COLDER #5 by Juan Ferryra

DIA DE LOS MUERTOS #2 by Riley Rossmo

DJANGO UNCHAINED #4 by Frank Quitely

FEARLESS DEFENDERS #2 by Mark Brooks

FF #5 by Michael Allred

GREEN ARROW #18 by Andrea Sorrentino

HAWKEYE #9 by David Aja

I, VAMPIRE #18 by Andrea Sorrentino

LEGEND OF LUTHER STRODE #4 by Tradd Moore

LOST VEGAS #1 by Dan McDaid

PROPHET #35 by Zachary Baldus

RED LANTERNS #18 by Miguel Sepulveda

SAVAGE SKULLKICKERS #1 by Edwin Huang

SPAWN #229 by Todd McFarlane

SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN #6AU by Marco Checchetto

THOR: GOD OF THUNDER #6 by Esad Ribic

UNCANNY X-MEN #3 by Chris Bachalo

WOLVERINE #1 by Olivier Coipel

WONDER WOMAN #18 by Cliff Chiang

X-MEN LEGACY #7 by Mike Del Mundo

YOUNG AVENGERS #3 by Jamie McKelvie

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

XOXO 4 Ever: Ben & Kiel Say Goodbye to Gossip Girl Pt. 1


Gossip Girl was a television series that ran on The CW for six years, finishing up last month. It was primarily aimed at the female demographic, specifically young women.

Ben Morse and Kiel Phegley are grown men.

Here, they discuss the show, the finale and more.

Ben: Before we get into the finale itself, let’s do a brief history lesson. I have watched Gossip Girl from the beginning, and I believe my co-writer here did as well. I got hooked by borrowing the pilot episode from Mel Caylo when we were back at Wizard and watching it with Megan; we both liked it a lot. It was funny how Mel got sent such a random assortment of pilots given that we were ostensibly a comic book magazine; we got stuff like the failed Aquaman show Mercy Reef and the failed Ultra show…Ultra (based on the Luna Brothers book) but then we’d also get stuff like Dirty Sexy Money, Big Shots and Gossip Girl. The super hero stuff or the really schlocky stuff we’d all watch together in the conference room, but if you wanted to watch a teen soap opera, you were bringing that shit home with you.

Kiel: Ha! I recall the Mercy Reef/Ultra double feature at lunch. Mercy Reef was so awkward! I can't believe that Justin Hartley was in it as I look back now fully believing he was one of the best things about late period Smallville. But beyond the repeated hilarity that was repeating Ving Rhames' pronunciation of the name "Ooooo-rin" over and over, it was awful. I don't even think I made it through the Ultra pilot. But back on topic, I too watched Gossip Girl from episode one, though I'm not sure exactly why. It may have had something to do with the fact that we were living in New York at a time with only an antenna for entertainment in the apartment, and The CW was one of the few channels that came in with crystal clarity.

Ben: I don’t know if you already knew about the YA novels before the show?


Kiel: I did in that I knew they existed in a general sense, but beyond a vague understanding of the concept of what my idol M.T. Anderson has called "the modern tween bitch lit series," I knew nothing about the particulars of Cicily Von Zeigler's story.

But oddly, the books did cross paths with my watching of the show in two very distinctive moments that I recall even years later. First is that in advance of the premier, I read the New York Times review of the pilot which heavily referenced the books. As I remember it, they reviewer made the case that the appeal of the books was how the teens drank and screwed and schemed with reckless abandon and that the addition of parents with Rufus and Lily dragged the proceedings down and ruined the show's ability to match the outlandish fantasy nature of the book. We all know how untrue that turned out to be, but it was a cute theory, I guess. You hear a lot in the YA/tween media marketplace about how parents kill the marketability of stories because kids hate reading about adult authority figures in their preferred pop fiction, but I think that's a load of bunk. Parents are a HUGE parts of kids lives and therefore great antagonists in YA.

The second memory I have is of a newscast that ran just after the pilot or one of the first episodes. I don't know if you're aware of this phenomenon, but The CW is rife with that particular brand of corporate synergy where the local newscast is always doing stories about how rad the network's shows are. For example, when Veronica Mars was on, they did a story one night about fans sending Mars Bars to the network heads to stave off its cancelation. With GG, the New York local news did a piece I saw about actual teenagers from the Upper East Side who loved the books and were excited for the show. I remember this mostly because the girls they interviewed raved about how much the books were like their real lives – how the characters went to the same places as they did and acted just like them. And to be blunt, these were kind of nerdy-looking, bookish 14-year-olds. Blair Waldorf they were not.

I guess what I'm saying overall here is that YA books have a tendency to feel VERY real and in the moment to the kids that read them yet very artificial and ridiculous to most adults that encounter them, which is I think what a soap like this goes for in spades.


Ben: I’ve always liked prime time soap operas and I had always been a fan of teen protagonists in other mediums—mainly comics—so Gossip Girl hit for me. I had also gotten into The O.C. late, so I gravitated pretty naturally from one Josh Schwartz show to the other. I remember having lively “debates” with the likes of Rickey and TJ over whether or not Gossip Girl had any intrinsic social value, but I can see now my argument was pretty silly. I would contend that whereas shows like The Real World or Jersey Shore glamorized real people behaving badly and getting paid to do so were hurting society, a show like Gossip Girl that was more of a send up of how ridiculous the idle rich was helped it, but…wow, that sounds even more idiotic when I write it out. The Real World, Jersey Shore and Gossip Girl all have pretty much no redeeming social value, but I found the last one entertaining.

I also watched Melrose Place when I was a good decade younger than the leads and Gossip Girl when I was a good decade older than the leads; I’m sure that says something about me and my fascination with whatever stage in life I’m not at.

Kiel: No, I get what you're saying. There's a definite ironic distancing the show has from reality (or in the case of those other shows, "reality") that sets it apart. That's a huge part of the appeal. I'm not sure that fact always tips the show into the category of art that has something big to say about human existence, but it sure does make it less of a guilty pleasure and more of a pleasure, full stop.

Also, while you mention it, I did want to put in one word about The O.C. Like you, I didn't watch that show from square one. Actually, it started when I was in college, and aside from being a Phantom Planet fan, my only exposure to its start was when I'd mention my comics stuff at a party and have some drunk girl go, "Ooooooh! You're just like Seth from The O.C.!" Eventually, I started watching it after hearing that so much, but by the time I picked it up in Season 3, the show had apparently taken a dive in quality. I get the feeling that show was like other notable nerd flame out Heroes. But I think that experience was a positive for Schwartz and company in that they were (mostly) able to avoid either letting GG get stale or blowing up what worked about it in an attempt to stay relevant like they had with The O.C.


Ben: Ok, enough jibber jabber, we’ve got a finale to take on.

Kiel: Yeah!

Ben: Actually, a little more jibber jabber.

Kiel: Okay!

Ben: Did you catch the one hour recap/farewell special prior to the episode itself? I highly recommend it if you did not. For one thing, it’s fantastic to get a look back at young Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, Penn Badgley and Chace Crawford—and by the way Sean T. Collins hit the nail on the head when he immortally noted that every young actor on this show has a more pretentious real name than just about any of their characters—but most of all Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass. Because Chuck has more or less been in a suit for the back half of the show, I forgot all about his ridiculous scarves, red tracksuits and ascots from the early years. Westwick waxes poetic about how much he used to love ascots out of character and it’s hilarious.

Kiel: Jami and I ate that up. We were also shocked to recall what the cast's hair was like in the first season. That they flashed back to short-haired Freshman Dan in the episode was slightly mind-blowing.

Ben: Per Megan, the flashback was the final scene they shot of the entire series because Penn Badgley had to shave his head more or less. Apparently he has super human hair growing abilities, because I saw him from afar when I was going to Subway a couple weeks back and his hair was longer than ever. I also did not approach him because I was starving. In retrospect, I can't imagine he would have wanted to chat for more than 20 seconds, so that was probably a mistake on my part.

All the out of character interviews with the actors are pretty great. Crawford and Badgley both come off as guys you’d want to party with while just hearing Westwick’s heavy as hell British accent is a trip. Blake Lively seems overly excited in a “I am so happy I can finally leave this show” way, but that’s fun too. Kaylee Defer is also pretty unintentionally funny trying to make it seem like she was ever more than a bit player. The only interviews I was let down by were Meester’s, because Blair is probably my favorite character—tied with Dan maybe—and she was just kind of blah.


Kiel: My only real complaint was that they didn't directly address the kind of pro-sleeze stance Gossip Girl has always had. They briefly showed the BRILLIANT poster from Season 2 that was just Serena making an orgasmic face with the quote "Every parent's worst nightmare" on it, but mostly the special was just the producers patting themselves on the back for being culturally relevant by CW standards.

Ben: I was also able to confirm that all those people who showed up for cameos and they made a point to say their full names on camera were indeed fashion, art and New York society people I had never heard of.

Kiel And Sonic Youth one time!

Ben: Ok! The show! I guess it makes sense to start with Chuck and Blair, since as the show went on it really seemed to become about them, and the finale was no exception. I like both characters and their early hook-ups were a lot of fun, but once they became the “destiny couple” of the show, I got a bit bored with the whole thing, because the two chief troublemakers became so defanged every time they were cooing or emoting over how they were meant to be together. That said, as much as I was momentarily fascinated by the Dan/Blair diversion last season, even if I got sick of the destiny stuff, it was hard to ignore, and it was nice they got their happy ending here. I do feel like it didn’t really allow either Leighton Meester or Ed Westwick to truly shine in this final episode because both are more enjoyable to watch when they’re being mean and snarky as opposed to lovey dovey, but oh well.


Kiel: I remember desperately wanting the Blair/Dan hookup to happen and being very pleased when it did. That was the only move in the show that could really shake things up, and in retrospect, Dan's fizzled relationship with Blair was the best catalyst to put him totally on the outs with the gang. It added emotional heft that writing tell-alls didn't.

But you're 100% on that Chuck and Blair were never quite the same, in a bad way, after their relationship was in full swing. The worst arc of this final season was the absurd idea that they made "a pact" to only get together once they'd won their respective society battles. Even by the standards of the wacky rich person fantasy land this show exists in, that was mega contrived.

Ben: I did enjoy the simplicity of “if you two get married, you can’t get convicted for murder” rationale since plans that eschew logic and sense for the sake of providing a splashy event are the backbone of Gossip Girl. I also enjoyed Jack Bass immensely as he’s one of my favorite characters and I’m glad he got such a meaty role in the finale, getting to deliver all the obnoxious lines everybody else was too busy worrying to get in there. His “room service” entrance with “I’ve got some bad news…Bart is dead” was great, although he was holding that tray really oddly. I also enjoyed “I had cameras installed back when I still hated you.”


Kiel: Jack Bass 4 Lyfe! The series best pseudo-villain by far.

Ben: Was it ultimately a bit unsatisfying that Chuck didn’t really best his father after spending the whole season trying and instead just let him fall to his death? Eh. Lily getting the line about just reusing the stuff from the first funeral made Bart’s brief resurrection all worth it (actually, he was a pretty good villain in general, it’s just too bad they killed him rather than defeating him).

The wedding itself was nice. Wallace Shawn rushing through the vows was a delight. I don’t really know if Blair’s dress was ugly or not.

Kiel: Neither Jami nor I have any real barometer for whether the fashion on the show is good looking or not. This gets especially confusing when they're telling us the fashion is supposed to be horrendous and/or brilliant as they did all over with Blair's designs this season. But otherwise, yes, I agree with everything you're laying down.


Ben: Getting back to Lily briefly, this was a good season for her as it got her away from the toxic bore of a relationship with Rufus and back to being the bitchy socialite the show needed. Everybody on Gossip Girl is pretty good with the art of the putdown line, but as a Melrose Place vet, Kelly Rutherford is certainly the old pro. I’m fine with her ending up with William both because it allowed for the return of scene-chewing Billy Baldwin—who has become an almost eerie parody of his brother Alec at this point—one last time and him getting the great slam on Ivy about how a Lifetime movie about her would be called Nobody Gives a Damn (for the record, I thought Ivy had a lot of potential when they introduced her as Serena’s fake cousin, and I actually like Kaylee Defer, but no character got used more poorly).

Kiel: Okay, I've got a lot of opinions here. For one, Lily as a character is someone that whipsawed around all over the place for me. I'm down with her being the archetypal mega-bitch of the Upper West Side in a general sense, but the idea of her softening from that position had the potential to be a worthwhile character arc. The whole purpose of the character in the early seasons was that she had once been a grungy (i.e. poor) groupie of Rufus and that said youthful romance was the missed love of her life. Yes, predictable but also a perfectly fine storyline for the C-characters that are the parents on this show. And you're right. Her and Rufus as a married couple was flat as shit.

On the other hand, there were things I really liked about Lily's conversion from queen of her generation of gossip girls into halfway decent human being. I ADORED her relationship with Chuck over the years. The fact that we never got any dramatic closure with Chuck's real mother was fine by me because Lily filled that role in such an unexpected and believable way. All that made it only that much more bizarre when the writers would have Lily throw her own daughter under the fucking bus just to ratchet up the soapy drama.


On the gripping hand, her ending up with William was the most unexpected and hilarious scene of the entire finale, so I was all good with it. You're right that Ivy was maybe most intriguing in that first season when she went ape shit psycho on Nate and Serena at the eleventh hour, but I enjoyed her role throughout the show from the poor little rich girl we'd normally sympathize with but had to hate on through to her slutting it up with Rufus to make his arc worthwhile this season. In the end, what happened between her, Lily and William in the last scene of the finale is probably the biggest piece of evidence to support my "Grand Theory of Gossip Girl," but I'll save that for the end. Proceed with our next topic, sir!

Ben: No character on this show won me over more over the course of six seasons than Nate Archibald. He was unbearable for the first two or so—remember his life-sucking relationship with Vanessa?—but then over the summer before season three, Chace Crawford both learned how to act and decided to say “fuck it, they’re always going to give me the most ridiculous storylines on this show, let’s rock.” The whole 22-year-old trust fund kid who didn’t stay in college more than a semester—the greatest mystery in the Gossip Girl world is, of course, not GG’s identity but rather how they all opted out of school as freshmen and it never got mentioned again—and who has never demonstrated any aptitude for anything running a successful magazine plotlines was a keeper because you could see in Crawford’s steely blue eyes that he fully recognized it’s absurdity and was going to run with it. Similarly, Sage was an awful character, but because she was with Nate, it made everything ok. To once again quote Sean T. Collins: “You’re too beautiful for this world, Nate Archibald.”


Kiel Jami fucking HATED Sage. There was not one episode this season where I didn't hear her complain about that girl at least twice. And justifiably so! She was the latest in a string of characters nowhere near good enough for Nate. It's ironic in the grandest sense how at the start of the series, Nate was the hot rich boy all the girls wanted to bone and/or marry, but as soon as he became cool enough to earn that status, all the main characters stopped trying to get with him. Bizarre to the max.

Ben: And not to skip ahead, but 27-year old Nate Archibald is the leading candidate in New York’s mayoral race? And presumably still hasn’t earned a college degree?! There are five years of fantastic Nate stumbling upward storylines awaiting a spinoff, people!

Kiel I would watch his spinoff series AND vote for him.


To be continued later this week, as Ben and Kiel continue to throw their self-respect to the wind, gushing over Dan and Serena, gasping at the reveal of Gossip Girl and much more!