Radical Comic Book Magazines: Hero Illustrated's 'Comic Book Who's Who' (1994)

[Yo, I really love magazines about comic books. Sadly, there aren't too many made anymore. But lucky for you, I have a ton of good ones in my basement. Here's one I found recently.]

Comic Book Who's Who
August, 1994
Published By: Warrior Publications/Hero Illustrated/Steve Harris
Editor: Mike Stokes
Assistant Editor: Joe Fielder
Contributing Editor: John Benton, Steve Spaulding, Fank Kurtz, Steve Darnall
$3.95 for 98 pages

I know one of the reasons (okay THE reason) that magazines are dying is that everything is easier and cheaper to find on the internet today. But I've always preferred magazines to spending all day on the web not because I'm some crusty old paper fetishist, but because frequently the money and monthly schedule behind a magazine's production affords for longer, more in depth writing. Hero Illustrated's Comic Book Who's Who contains no such writing. But still! The character dossier kinds of features that make up this volume are something I still think can be super fun in magazine form, particularly for younger readers. It's no wonder Disney magazines have started a new regular Marvel Super Heroes effort to present this kind of stuff to ten-year-olds in supermarkets across America. Yeah, those kids could find all the info on Wikipedia if they were so inclined, but a magazines like this can expose its readers to a ton of stuff they'd never go searching for. They're designy little gateway into comics radness. I know that's what this was for me.

I have very little memory of the monthly Hero Illustrated from when I was a young comic reader. Back then I thought of it as a less popular version of Wizard, and that's probably the best way to describe it today. I mean, I don't know what it's editorial voice was like, but how different could all the superhero-focused magazines that specialized in the "hotness" of the mid '90s comic market be?

Like Wizard, this collection places a premium on the kewl new characters and armored up reimaginings that were chromium-covering their way to speculator sales. If a hero had ever been a big seller, been killed and resurrected or launched with a #0 issue with a die-cut cover, they were featured here. And the basic format covered a lot of ground that was of interest to 13-year-old Kiel.

For example, I'd just started reading Mark Waid and Mike Weiringo's great Flash series before buying this mag (I actually picked up #92 at the grocery story). So for a chunk of time, these two pages became my bible for searching for the right back issues or just understanding the significance of parts of the character's history. The magazine definitely fed my habit on, so mission accomplished there, I guess.

But at the same time, this thing got pretty deep into the range of stuff published in the '90s and shined a spotlight on a lot of books that I'd heard of but was never able to buy in those days of month-old back issues priced at $20-plus. The Who's Who was the first place I saw the original comics of The Crow and The Mask, both of which seemed so much more illicit than their movie counterparts had (in particular, I spent weeks copying John Arcudi's blood soaked version of the Mask in preference to Jim Carey's sanitized cartoon character). It was the first place I heard about of lot of the weird off-color characters that have only ever been able to find a place in the world of comics (Megaton Man, Evil Ernie, Vampirella) and a slate of honestly cool comics that I wouldn't have picked up to flip through on my own (Madman, The Sandman, The Spirit!).

Even more importantly, the visual spotlight each feature put on the characters creators had me thinking in real direct terms about who it was that made these comics. Reading this magazine was the first time I really realized just how much Stan Lee and Jack Kirby had actually made as a team, the first time I saw photos of guys like Walt Simonson, Frank Miller and Neil Gaiman (in the leather jacket and sun glasses, natch) and the first time I'd ever really considered what kind of aesthetic difference there was in even genre comics that were creator-owned (outside the "seemed very much like Marvel and DC" Image books).

Best of all, some of the weird combination of creator, art and vague yet hyped up story points sent me out in search of the comics being summarized just to prove to myself that they existed somewhere else in the world. Case in point:

You guys have no idea how long I searched to get the Grendel comics these two pages described. The way even that tiny timeline on the side of the page is written makes it sound as though the story of Hunter Rose Vs. the Wolf Argent is a massive, sprawling killer crime epic and not a few random stories that Matt Wagner eventually condensed into one freaking volume. I bought Grendel comics for years after this magazine came out only to go back to the long boxes confused but wanting more. By the time I did get my hands on a copy of Grendel: Devil By The Deed over a decade later, I felt like I'd found the Ark of the Fucking Covenant.

When I stumbled upon this Who's Who a while ago, I was also struck by what a great little time capsule it was to the better parts of the '90s. I mean, everyone who's been following the business of comics for years knows about the worst associations made to the comics and practices of that decade. But as a kid who was reading then, there was this palpable excitement about reading and buying these stories. This magazine is so fucking pumped to tell you about Badrock, y'all!! And Firearm and Pitt and Breed and Black and White (that's who's on the cover)! People were ecstatic to be making and buying comics then, even if it was just for the quick money, and that sheer enthusiasm reads through.

And I just love the historical oddity of a Hellboy feature that was cut to one page because in 1994, Hellboy was a character who had starred in one mini series co-written by John Byrne:

But still, Mignola's single drawing of that character pulled me in. And come on, "Likes: John Steinbeck, Tom Waits...Dislikes: Cannibalism, Nazis." SOLD, BRO!

On the other hand, this mag features profiles that just scream the '90s in the most ridiculous way:

Who is DEATHGRIP?!?!? I'll tell you who he is. He's a character who only appeared three times to the best of my Googling knowledge: once in an anthology comic whose cover was a purple logo printed four times, once on a "Comic FutureStars" trading card and once in this magazine.

But ultimately, the real reason I think of this magazine fondly is because it served as a bridge for teenage me away from being a kid who thought of himself as a comic collector and into one who was just a comic reader. And that's came from features in Hero Illustrated's Comic Book Who's Who like this one:

I didn't know counterculture from cable TV back then, but even the plaid backdrop for these pages yelled out at me that whatever this comic was, it was something really different. It was a beyond the 50 neon bodybuilders that came before it. I remember reading the bios for Maggie and Hopey and thinking "Why are they labeled 'Heroes'? They look like real people." I wanted to know why two best friends were listed as living on opposite sides of the country from each other. I wanted to step into this world. This radical comic book magazine put me on a collision course with Jaime Hernandez, so I really can't bag on the '90s that much. Especially when it gave me stuff like this:

Dear DC, Please Publish More Wonder Woman Comics Like This One

So the other day I was going through the July DC Comics solicitations for work, when I noticed that they're publishing an honest to goodness Wonder Woman comic for little girls that month: DC Comics Presents: Wonder Woman Adventures #1.

I couldn't help but comment on how this is pretty great...But it's also kind of strange.

This is a reprint containing four issues of the late '90s series Adventures in the DC Universe, which was an oddball little series. It launched in 1997 shortly after "Superman: The Animated Series" and its comic tie-in started expanding Bruce Timm's "Batman: The Animated Series" setup onscreen and off. But with no TV precedent set for a lot of the DC heroes, Adventures in the DC Universe ended up being a weird DCAU/DCU mash-up. When someone from the Batman or Superman shows appeared up in the series, they'd be consistent with their onscreen appearances. When anyone else showed up, they'd be consistent with whatever was going on in the DC Comics of the day.

This made for a few head-scratcher stories, such as issue #16 (which I have in my apartment somewhere) where Green Lantern Kyle Rayner and Green Arrow Connor Hawke starred in a kid-friendly spiritual sequel to Denny O'Neil and Neal Adams' iconic "Speedy Does Heroin" story.

Luckily, Wonder Woman wasn't in one of her leather jacket phases then. So the comics being reprinted in July star pretty much the classic Wonder Woman – the character that also appears on any number of t-shirts, coffee mugs and Halloween costumes sold by Warner Bros. Consumer Products every year.

Now, when I first saw this book I had to put on my Graeme McMillan speculation hat and wonder exactly who greenlit this series and whether or not DC sees it as a way to test the waters on more WW material for girls. I really doubt that, because you figure they would have promoted this SOMEWHERE if its sales performance would at all impact future publishing launches. But wishful thinking has me hoping someone at DC is talking about doing this...because it would be SO radical if they actually did.

Pound for pound, "A Wonder Woman comic you can give to a little girl" is the #1 thing I hear from retailers/parents/comic readers-in-general when discussing obvious comic projects they'd like see. It is just such a basic "They should be doing this" observation. And I'm not one of those people who likes to go around the internet looking at daydream pitches for comics starring teen reporter Lois Lane or manga-esque Wonder Woman saying, "I'd buy that and it would do really well." Because I'm not sure I would, and I AM sure that those comics wouldn't sell huge numbers at launch. But you've got to think SOMEONE would buy a kid-friendly Wonder Woman comic at some point along the distribution/platform chain.

I mean, okay, posting the above picture of a totally adorable little girl in a Wonder Woman costume standing in front of a totally gross picture of Catwoman on all fours licking up milk is a cheap tug to the heartstrings on this issue. I know it is. And I don't want to make this a blog post decrying things like the New 52 Wonder Woman series or DC's Wonder Woman output in general. I've only read a few issues of the latest book, and I think that taking the gore of Greek myth and twisting it into the WW mythos with an eye towards horror is a perfectly valid direction for the character. It might be fun, I don't know!

But for real, that photo illustrates a valid point at the same time. Wonder Woman is used to sell products to little girls – often via their moms and grandmas who grew up on a kid-friendlier set of comic books and the TV show. And the comics that get put out are never consistent with that image. I don't make an absolute or moral judgement on that. I think there can be room for all sorts of Wonder Woman comics, and I'm happy to have DC continue to make them for fans of the "serious" superhero universe that comprises its main line. I just don't think that kind of product and a kids product are mutually exclusive concepts.

Speaking from personal experience, I know that my sister-in-law has literally dozens of Wonder Woman products around the house for herself and some for my niece LuLu as well. But not one of those products is a comic book. And LuLu LOVES comics! She goes to bed every night reading my brother's old Garfield collections, she devours Archie Digests, and this weekend she flipped when I brought here a stack of FCBD books including Peanuts, Tinkerbell, Yo Gabba Gabba! and The Simpsons. But until July comes, I'll have no Wonder Woman comics to give her, no matter how happy that would make her and her mom. The reason is simply because there's been almost no basic kid-friendly WW material created since the early 1980s.

In fact, the whole DC Comics Presents format was created to collect material that isn't substantial enough by volume to justify a full trade. And what that means is that DC doesn't actually have enough Wonder Woman material suitable for little girls that they can put out a trade collection. Actually, even the four issues in the upcoming reprint aren't ALL Wonder Woman stories. One is the series debut, which focused on the whole Justice League, and amongst the stories reprinted is a short Batman Vs. Poison Ivy piece. That makes for less than three single comic books starring Wonder Woman. Compare that to the fact that since DC started doing kid-friendly superhero books in the early '90s, they've published hundreds of Batman comics, hundreds of Teen Titans comics, over 100 Superman comics and over 100 Justice League comics.

While that's a little depressing in its own right, it also makes it harder for DC to place Wonder Woman as a character in the kid-friendly initiatives they've already got going. For example, recently the kids book publisher Capstone Press, whose Stone Arch imprint did a fine job teaming with Art Baltazar on a series of DC Pets chapter books, signed a deal to release library bound collections of DC kids comics for educational and mass market distribution. And as you can see from that link, all the 100+ issue franchises I mentioned above have entries in Capstone's launch scheme. Wonder Woman doesn't.

But all hope is not lost!! Like I said, I think DC publishing even this one mini collection is a very positive step and something we should give them a collective internet high five for. And even though there are scarcely any more Wonder Woman comics from recent years to represent (ignoring the question of new books for little girls), I think there are just enough issues around for them to do another collection like the one shipping in July. If you take the comics from the Justice League Unlimited series (which I remember Adam Beechen doing a fine job on back in the day) that focus on Wonder Woman in total, you'd have the promising-looking issue above as well as this one with Deadman, this one with the Royal Flush Gang and this one with DC's Western heroes. That's not quite as strong a start as Wonder Woman meeting Catwoman or Supergirl, but I think it's enough to make for a DC Comics Presents: Wonder Woman Adventures #2.

And hey, two issues of DC Comics Presents: Wonder Woman Adventures is practically the same thing as two Capstone Wonder Woman library collections. See what I just did there? Sure, it wouldn't mean that hundreds of thousands of little girls would suddenly know the joy of having their own awesome superhero comics to go with their Halloween costume, but it would at least ensure the character had the same chance of finding some readers in a market where the big boys of the DCU already have a head start.

After that, who knows? I know that the DC kids comics are at least 80% based on current animated series, so asking for an ongoing Wonder Woman comic out of the blue is a stretch. But if the publisher wants a shot at reaching the same little girls whose nerdy parents make them clothes out of this kind of fabric, they've got to have more material suitable for that age group to play with. It has to start somewhere. Maybe it'll start in July.

First Impressions: Avengers

Walt Simonson is an extraordinarily creator whose Thor work I’ve gone on record as calling definitive. John Buscema is one of my all-time favorite artists and I’ve devoted space to letting all of you know how incredibly talented I think he is. I love Namor, I think She-Hulk is great, I feel Monica Rambeau is an underrated character and the 90’s aside, I’ve even got a soft spot for The Black Knight.

All of these elements, creators and characters alike, combined to make me at a very young age never want to read another Avengers comic again—through no fault of their own.

Let me elaborate.

The very first Avengers comic I can ever recall getting my hands on is issue #291 of the original volume, written by Walt Simonson, drawn by John Buscema, featuring a line-up of the second Captain Marvel, Thor, The Black Knight, She-Hulk, Namor and Doctor Druid. The story is entitled “Shadows of the Future Past!” and it came out in 1988, so I was either six when I read it or not much older. I can’t remember exactly the circumstances under which it came into my possession, but most super hero comics I got back then I acquired through my dad picking up those plastic-wrapped combo packs at the supermarket (I only bought Archie books for myself). I want to say I got this one along with my first X-Men comic (a story for another day) and for some reason I feel like it was over one summer I spent at my grandparents lake house in the middle of nowhere, New Hampshire (also known as Ossipee).

The story placed the Avengers at some party celebrating some achievement of theirs, I think (it’s been over two decades). Strike one was that everybody was dressed in formal wear, so while I got that the green chick was She-Hulk, I was having trouble wrapping my head around why Thor was a blond guy in a tux, let alone who his friends are (obviously at age six I could not pick The Black Knight out of a line-up and Doctor Druid even in costume would have struck me as more the creepy neighbor type than an Avenger—actually, he probably made a better impression on me in a suit than he would have in his weird red pajamas/purple bathrobe combo). Confusion over why I was reading about a dinner party in a super hero comic was not a good start.

So then Namor’s wife, Marrina, ate some shrimp (I think) and turned first into a scaly monster lady and then into a full-on giant sea dragon thing. It was terrifying to me; the fact that John Buscema is an amazing artist made it even more terrifying. I’m not joking when I say that this comic along with the laborious job I had at Legal Seafood in high school kept me away from really eating fish until I was well out of college. Some kids lived for horror movies and being creeped out (looking at you, Rickey and TJ), but I was the sort of sensitive wuss who couldn’t make it through the end of Ghostbusters II because of that freaky painting dude. So again, I was not digging this comic.

There was also an interlude with Kang that was part of a larger subplot Simonson was building toward that also involved Ravonna and Doctor Druid. After 21-year-old Ben read Avengers Forever, Kang became one of the coolest villains in comics to him; to six-year-old Ben, there couldn’t have been many things more confusing and off-putting than a guy in a purple mask showing up three quarters into a comic for a page to shoot another guy who looked exactly like him, say a couple cryptic words and take off (the longer term story Simonson was working toward with the prime Kang assassinating his Cross-Time Council is actually pretty rad, but I did not know that in 1988).

The issue ended with the evening wear Avengers still battling big ass scary snake Marrina because it was part one of a three-part story. Recall that I was primarily an Archie reader at this point, and mostly double digests at that, so I was used to having up to a dozen or more plots neatly resolved for me by the time I flipped the back cover shut, not everything left irritatingly dangling and unanswered.

As the cherry on this sundae, there was a house ad with the cover below and a big “Beginning of the End” tag…

…this series is ending? Why did I just read this. Also, there was an ad for the Ann Nocenti/John Romita Jr. Daredevil run with Typhoid Mary that looked a hundred times cooler.

The irony for me in recalling pretty much all of the factors that contributed to me not liking this issue would have been huge selling points for me today.

I love quiet stories about character building. If an issue of anything is solicited as an issue where everybody is hanging out in street clothes and talking for the first half (no issue of anything is ever solicited that way) I get psyched. The wedding of Donna Troy and/or Cyclops and Jean Grey! That issue of Guy Gardner: Warrior where he opens his bar! That other issue of Guy Gardner: Warrior where he has a Christmas party! The Busiek/Perez Avengers story with the parade! That time Nova scored with Namorita in New Warriors! The Force Works holiday special where Abnett and Lanning tricked me into thinking Wolverine was guest-starring!

Kang is fantastic. The weirder his time travel plots, the better. Trying to figure out the paradoxes upon paradoxes of him chasing his past and future selves through the decades hurts my head in the best way possible. The issue of Avengers Forever solely devoted to his crazy ass history is a classic. I loved The Kang Dynasty.

I still love a good one-and-done story, but c’mon, I read X-Men in the 90’s and it was my comics lifeblood—simmering subplots and multi-part stories are my bread and (lactose free) butter.

Maybe the craziest thing of all is that this issue takes place only about a year after “Under Siege,” probably my favorite Avengers story of all-time. Slightly different roster, but a lot of the same players. Same awesome artist. Even the same short-lived logo is the same. It goes to show that had I encountered this issue later in my comic collecting life perhaps as I was trying to follow up “Under Siege” by getting all the single issues, I’d probably treasure it; but encountering it on its own at a time when I was the newest of readers made it anathema to me. It’s all about where you’re at in your hobby.

It also may be about whether you’re six or 30, but that doesn’t sound as good in my estimation.

I still don’t care much for giant fish lady monsters, but I am now an avid sushi and shellfish eater who will even occasionally indulge in a tuna steak.

Doctor Druid is still weird.

Ben & Jordan Watch Game of Thrones: The Old Gods and the New

The bonds of brotherhood between Ben Morse and Jordan Geary were forged during their time as students at Connecticut College, where they spent four years losing at intramural sports (except softball in 2004!), forming their own fraternity because the school wouldn’t let them, making student films one professor called “unfortunate” and regularly beating their friend Dan Hartnett in Goldeneye.

Today, they live 20 minutes apart in New Jersey with their respective lovely wives, sharing passions for miniature golf, diner cuisine and the music of Motley Crue. They also both watch HBO’s Game of Thrones and have decided to write a column about it. While Jordan ran out and read all the books on which the show is based after season one, Ben prefers books with pictures and floppy covers.

Bear witness to their wit, wisdom and frequent allusions to Melrose Place as they try to do the tradition of Sean T. Collins and Megan Morse proud!

Ben: Ok! So I really liked this episode. Maybe my favorite of the season, though to be fair I've been kind of bored by the last few, so I may be forgetting earlier ones that were quite good. That said, obviously this one came at the perfect time, as I wasn't going to stop watching or anything and let down both our loyal readers, but I was starting to feel like the show was more an obligation than a pleasure, so fortunately this snapped me right back to why I dug the first season.

Jordan: Wow! Surprised to hear of your second season boredom…

Ben: I have literally talked about it every week for the last three or so installments of this thing we’ve been doing! Do you not read our blog?

Jordan: Well, regardless, I also think I understand it. It is quite a challenge to make an audience care about the long list of characters that they just met this season. For instance, Renly getting "Shadow Demon'd" to death was a big turning point for the kingdom...yet how many scenes was that character actually in over the show's two seasons to make people care about him? Five? Not enough to truly feel the weight of it. That said, I am happy to hear this episode was a favorite of yours. The show is following through on my early warning that this season would be a TON of character and location exposition that would later transition into unmitigated mayhem. My weekly entries on this blog have been me constantly saying, "Jon Snow's story gets a lot better once he goes beyond the wall" and "Bran sucks now but his story gets cooler" and "Arya's story is going to become one of the best of all of them" and this episode finally marked the beginning of that awesome-ness. PHEW!

Ben: We start with a BANG as Theon takes Winterfell and the invasion is pretty much over before the credits have even finished. Brilliant way to pick up the pace (and probably save some dough not filming action scenes to boot). The quintessential Theon scene was where he's ordering Bran to surrender, and initially not even the little crippled boy lying in bed takes this guy seriously. You have to love that. Really nobody in Winterfell seemed to REALLY feel all that threatened by Theon, whether it's because they still think he's one of them or because he's always been a bit of a punk, but that made it all the more powerful when he killed Rodrik, because he was truly forced into it. Theon tried to be as nice and honorable as both he as Theon is capable of and as a guy conquering a rival camp can be, but everybody around him kept egging him off until he had no choice but to hack this old guy's head off or lose the respect of his crew once and for all. And man, did he go to town on Rodrik. This show loves chopping dudes' heads off, and that was a doozy. I enjoyed the "Oh shit, he's for real!" moment that rapidly dawned on Bran and the rest of the Winterfellians (is that the correct term?).

Jordan: This scene was really, really cool to watch. The buildup to the chop-job of Sir Rodrik's head made me a little squeamish, and as I saw Theon take his sword out I said aloud, "Oh no. There is NO WAY he gets this dude's head off in one try." Sure enough, 37 hacks later I finally exhaled after holding my breath. It was almost a relief to see that head bouncing around on the ground like a mutton-chopped rugby ball.

Part of the reason this scene was so great (and ALL of Theon's scenes are so great) are that the actor playing Theon is amazing. He is the acting antithesis of the blank-faced "I end all my sentences with an upward inflection" guy playing Jorah Mormont. Theon's actor somehow communicates so much internal strife with so little in the way of actual lines. Next time he is onscreen, take notice of how much he communicates with just his facial expressions and you will see a true artist at work. From his starring turn in Broadway's Equus, to now playing Theon with such tact, I see big things for Theon's actor in the future...BIG things! (Cue him starring in some Scorpion King straight-to-video sequel and then being thrown into the Fast and Furious franchise scrap heap).

Ben: You just described The Rock’s career trajectory, and if this fellow has half the career of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, he should count his lucky stars, sir!

This is also something of a point of no return for Theon, though, and a compelling fork in the road for his character. Up until this point, he was a bit sleazy, preyed on women, etc., but at the end of the day he was still basically decent. I'm generally a fan of good guys with an obnoxious streak, so I liked him. Now though, he's clearly a bad guy, at least in my eyes. I sympathize with his motivations--obsessive need to prove himself to whatever family will have him--and that keeps him complex, but he still turned against the people who spared him his brothers' fate, threatened a paraplegic kid and chopped an old man's head off. He's an out and out villain, but a villain I love to hate (or just love)? Yeah, yeah he still is. He has his reasons and he's got his swagger. I may be hard-pressed to root for him against Robb when it comes to that, but I'll absolutely back him against, say, Jon Snow.

Jordan: I completely agree with every word you just said. This scene was pretty powerful for me because up until this point Theon's weaknesses and motivations made him a very sympathetic character. I felt vindicated because that connection I felt with the character in the books was absolutely there in the show. This episode, however, even made the staunchest Theon supporter in me flinch and shake my head. I then understood why so many people gave me the stink-eye all this time at calling him my favorite character...especially knowing that things are going to get even dicier in the future. Altruistic motivations or not, Theon has made his choice and it is squarely against the loveable hero family in the show. Whether I like it or not, that makes him a villain.

...He still is my favorite though, and unquestionably one of the most interesting characters on the show.

Ben: Great episode for Jon Snow! Why? Because it consisted entirely of him fucking up and people telling him he's stupid. Seriously, Jon accomplished below nothing in this episode, actively botching every task he was given with that perma-pout frozen on his face, and I loved every second of it. I loved Qhorin Halfhand calling him out on being a nitwit.

Jordan: Agree with you about the Jon Snow scenes. Him getting the "you're a long way from home, lad" stuff up to this point hasn't really made the audience like him because he has been way too much of a super hero for anyone to buy it. Seeing him reduced to an insolent idiot once he leaves the wall goes a long way to stripping the character down of everything he's known to this point...a HUGE moment in the book. The audience can't help but look at him now and say, "You know nothing, Jon Snow." BOOM! High five to the book readers on using THAT line (you'll get it later, Ben and the television audience)!

Ben: I loved loved loved pretty much everything about Ygritte, in particular how easily she flummoxed and mocked Lord Snow. She's played by Rose Leslie, of Downton Abbey fame, and while she's tremendous on that show, she's inspired here. A foil like her is exactly what Jon Snow needs. When guys like Sam are in awe of him, I detest him even more, because it seems so completely unearned. When Qhorin and Ygritte treat him like the punk who's only where he is because his dad needed to hide his bastard, I enjoy his scenes more to the power of a billion. But Jon Snow aside, I just enjoyed Ygritte, and her manic survival instinct coupled with smirking flirtatiousness. It was an interesting comparison this episode to have her and Osha, both wildlings, and both in essentially the same situation of having to do whatever they needed to stay alive in enemy captivity; Osha, being older and more worldly, uses her sexuality in a more base and blatant manner, while Ygritte is clearly less mature, and preferring to basically play a children's game of tag, but at the end she's still trying to give Jon Snow a boner, likely both because it may help her later and because it amuses her. Great character.

Jordan: I LOVE the character of Ygritte. The book describes her in essence as a pretty, but not gorgeous, redhead with a mischievously sexy way about her and bad teeth. Could not have cast that more perfectly. Now I'm amped to see more of Jon Snow's story, as it should be wall-to-wall (pun intended) excitement and interesting stuff from here on out. If it isn't than the show and actor will have done a bad job.

Ben: Back to Robb, I enjoyed his scene with Talisa again, as they both continue to grow on me. I have a feeling that they'll ultimately be my favorite love story of the show, if things are headed in that direction (all signs point toward yes, but Sean Bean's decapitated head reminds me that this thing zigs when you think it will zag at times). I couldn't believe Catelyn totally cockblocked her boy, but what can you do (I was really hoping he'd call her out on it).

Jordan: The Robb-Talisa connection is sort of a Garden of Eden thing, which makes it super interesting. Robb is promised to some ugly daughter of the Freys, yet there is this random hottie that showed up in his camp from beating the Lannisters in a battle that has the attention of both his heart and his dong. Something that probably got lost in Catelyn's CONSTANT nagging is the fact that Robb can do some real damage if he pursues this hottie, with her being a former Team Lannister chick and Robb's promised marriage. I really like the actor playing Robb as he seems to have the combo of good looks and acting chops that help carry these scenes despite Catelyn's nagging. Did I mention Catelyn is annoying as hell? She's annoying as hell.

Ben: Most fascinating for me was Robb's reaction to learning of Theon's betrayal, which I felt betrayed his true feelings and their nature relationship quite a bit. Robb got over his initial shock and turned to homicidal rage pretty quick. Yeah, he trusted this guy, and yeah, his family's in danger, but that he didn't give his supposed buddy and "brother" more than a second of "What? No, he wouldn't do that..." before flipping to "I AM GOING TO KILL HIM" tells me as much as the Starks tolerated and maybe to some extent liked Theon, they were always waiting for this. You can tell Catelyn never trusted him (she flat out told Robb not to), but it's interesting that the family rivalry runs so deep that Robb, despite being raised alongside Theon, didn't give him much benefit of the doubt at all--not that I much expected him to given that Theon has openly annexed his home and taken his little brothers captive, but even so. Robb didn't leave much room for interpretation, either: he wants to hear Theon out on why he did this, but he is also going to kill him immediately following said explanation. I eagerly await when these two next meet.

Jordan: As for the Robb-Theon connection, they sorta hinted at their unusual brotherhood in the scene where Theon saved Robb and Bran from the Wildlings in the forest with his arrows o' death. Theon saves them, and Robb's very first reaction isn't "Thanks for the arrows o' death, dude. Next beer is on me," but rather, "What the HELL took you so long?" This hinted early on that while the duo are close and are going for the same "We both have Beatles mop-tops and patchy beards" look, their brotherhood always will have a small wedge of distrust that comes from being part of previously warring families. The quick turn from Robb at the news of Theon's betrayal shows that while he was hoping for the best out of Theon, inside he always expected the worst.

Ben: The King's Landing stuff was quick but effective. We got to see just how much the populace hates Joffrey and just how little he cares, both of which will undoubtedly come back to bite him. It's really just a matter of whether Stannis or Robb (or the Greyjoys or Dany) reach the city first, because whoever it is, Joffrey's people are going to toss him over the gate and hail their new leader. And of course Peter Dinklage gets his weekly "Oh that's just awesome" moment slapping Joffrey around and telling him off. Then you've got the really heavy stuff, Sansa nearly being raped and The Hound saving her in the most bad ass fashion possible. His "I didn't do it for you" line to Tyrion was nicely ambiguous and intriguing. Did he do it because he's loyal to the throne? Because he didn't want to see a young girl suffer? Layers. And poor Sansa. This is not what she trained for. She's as clueless about why the people don't love her as much as Joffrey, but in her own way; both just assume all subjects should love their rulers without question, but with her you get the genuine sense she doesn't understand, whereas I think deep down Joffrey does, he just doesn't want to.

Jordan: The show did a GREAT job with the mob scene, which in the books is rather crazy and on HORSEBACK no less...the protest over the horse death in HBO's "Luck" pretty much nixed THAT. There was a large amount of changing done here between the book and the show (as far as who is raped, who saves Sansa, who dies, who gets hit in the face with poop, etc), but I did not at all mind every choice HBO made here. Still shocking, still crazy, and still spot-on at showing how the Lannisters may very well destroy themselves before anyone else does.

Some specific acting notes on this scene:
-Tyrion is amazing, showing the masses that he can shout and show emotional range beyond his smirking wordplay.
-Sansa's actress is really great at seeming a wounded, helpless creature. One of my friends has the hots for this actress, which I find SUPER weird as the actress is very young and always is acting depressed, like she had to stare at the actress playing Cersei all day.
-Speaking of that, in this episode Cersei looked...can't believe I am going to say it...PRETTY. Whoever did Lena Headley's makeup to accomplish this rare feat needs to win an award, get a free trip to Hawaii, and be knighted by the Queen of England STAT.
-Though the treatment of the Hound in this scene by the cast and crew was perfect, once again I am completely underwhelmed by the actor's lack of portraying the character right. He has this morose, mopey attitude about him that makes him seem like a vexed, Goth, Hot-Topic-shopping teenager than a feral, angry, unpredictably dangerous beast. He also COMPLETELY threw away the "Get back in your cage, little birdie" line to Sansa, which encapsulates his feelings towards her. I had to rewind it three times just to make out those words because he butchered them so badly.
-I had to actually take a moment, pause the show, and wonder how the actor who plays Joffrey can make his voice so shrill and cartoon-y when he is angry. This guy is going to make some SERIOUS BANK as a voice actor after this show. Mark Hamill part deux.

Ben: Ok, so I'm pretty sure Littlefinger knows Arya is Arya, even if he's not letting on (and of course he's not the type who would until it will mean something for him), but does the fact that Tywin still hasn't started to suspect something's up make him seem a little dumber than it should? I mean, yeah, Arya is doing a fantastic job of concealing herself and Maisie William's portrayal of such is making for terribly entertaining television, but she's slipped up and stuttered enough times that I feel like he'd do more than just keep asking leading questions about her ancestry at this point. Also, no offense to your boy Littlefinger, but if he's smart to enough to figure it out--and granted he has the advantage of actually having met Arya before, which I'm probably way underselling given that this is a world where all these people meet dozens of other people every day--shouldn't Tywin be? I suppose it speaks to the fact that while Littlefinger may not be a king or a conqueror, he knows all about people, whereas Tywin is a master on the battlefield, but social intelligence fails him a bit. I guess he doesn't need to understand folks, he can just pay them or kill them.

Jordan: No offense taken regarding your points on Littlefinger, as ALL of these questions need to be sent directly to the writers of the HBO series who chucked all of this confusing gibberish in there. In the books, Arya is the servant of another person (don't want to reveal whom yet as I am not sure if the show will still do this), and Littlefinger never comes upon her. You are obviously right that Tywin AND Littlefinger would recognize her immediately, so the HBO writers dropped the ball on adding this. I'll give them a pass this time as not only does it make for compelling television, but they really did a great job with that mob scene in this episode.

I can't help but wonder if the show is starting to use Littlefinger way too much. They are chucking him into random scenes he wasn't part of in the books, and it is to the disservice of the character and show. For instance, one question that popped into my head last night: Why was Littlefinger inserted into the scenes at Renly's camp? It didn't serve much of a purpose, and it COMPLETELY made no sense as to why Renly would allow a major member of his sworn Lannister enemy into his camp. It boggles my mind that not one person in the HBO writers room didn't stand on top of the boardroom table and shout, "IDIOTS! WHY WOULD RENLY ALLOW HIS WIFE TO GO OFF ALONE ON ONE-ON-ONE CONVERSATIONS WITH UNTRUSTWORTHY, LANNISTER-BANNERMAN LITTLEFINGER?! Like, what is stopping Littlefinger from slitting Margery's throat, killing Catelyn, stabbing Renly, and then fleeing the scene?" I guess loud reactions like this are why I am not formally employed as a writer.

Ben: Yep, that’s why.

Jaqen is simply fantastic. The eye roll before he goes to kill Ser Amory for Arya--tremendous.

Jordan: Jaqen is up there with Theon, Littlefinger, and Stannis for me. Like the others he is the perfect blend of deadliness and interesting personality.

Ben: And we wrap things up over across the Narrow Sea in Qarth. Truth be told, that storyline is wearing on me a bit as I said last week since it seems more or less a contrivance engineered to keep Dany apart from the rest of the cast a little bit longer, but Emilia Clarke's impassioned delivery and a welcome reappearance by The Spice King make me not really mind. That was just a great exchange, as you get how deeply in her core Dany believes in what she's doing, but also how primal that belief is, as she doesn't really have a plan--The Spice King nails her on that--and doesn't really know why she should be Queen, just that she should. Again, it's that balancing act between warrior princess and petulant child Emilia Clarke does so well. Is the mystery of who took the dragons really that much of a mystery though given that those creepy bald warlock dudes were so prominent in the "Previously On" segment and then never seen the entire episode? C'mon, Game of Thrones. Really.

Jordan: Again, you need to amend your statement and start saying, "C'mon HBO Game of Thrones writers changing stuff. Really." At this point anything sucky/confusing on the show is on the HBO writers changing things.

Ben: And again, as last week, I really enjoy some of the stuff that has been added more so than a lot of the book material…but now I’m fairly unconvinced that you actually read my part of the blog and are instead responding to an imaginary Ben who types stuff to you. Is he nice?

Also, since I get the final edit before this goes up, it will now appear as if you are ignoring everything I just wrote.

Jordan: The missing dragons bit isn't in the books, but as you all-too-obviously picked out it is a device the show is using to get Dany to the House of the Undying. In the books, she decides goes to the House of the Undying in search of secrets that will serve to help her on her journey...which makes MUCH more sense (especially after the Spice King scene). The missing dragons angle felt way too much like a cliffhanger on Charles in Charge. I half expected Buddy to run in and yell "Charles! That cheat sheet with those test answers we copied yesterday? IT'S GONE!"

Ben: That would have made this episode not just the best of the season, but of the show to date.

Jordan: Overall a wonderful, albeit completely upside down episode for me: I liked Jon Snow's scenes, I found Theon a villain, I thought there was too much Littlefinger, I found Cersei pretty....thank GOODNESS The Hound's routinely piss-poor acting kept me grounded. It's the one thing I can always count on.

New Linko! - Interviewing Stan Lee, Vintage Shuster Shop, Pokémon's Eternal Flame

Yo! Welcome to "New Linko!" which isn't much different from "Old Linko!" except I'ma do it more regularly and the heading is different and self-promotion yadda yadda. Shall we get to some links?

* Insert all "must-read piece of the week" qualifiers here for Alex Pappademas' Grantland profile on Stan Lee. Actually, in a lot of ways it's less a profile on Lee and more a profile on what it's like to interview Lee given the many contradictions surrounding his place in comics history. It was great to hear of another journalist struggling to reflect the full scope of what's happening today with the fact that Stan is a nice old man who's talking up his new stuff not to screw over others but to provide what he views as his part in their creation today. It's especially good to hear that since I'm talking to Stan on Monday (and no, I'm not going to bust his balls about Kirby and the Avengers).

Also: the above image is a promotional one for the documentary about Stan The Man created for some new cable channel called Epix which Pappademas summarizes enough in the article for you to know if you can skip it (though I'll probably watch because I'm totally stuck on archival interview footage). Anyway, I know that the backdrop in this image is meant to be a computery futuristic blast of Marvel energy thing, but it looks like they just threw up a kids bedsheet behind him and snapped a photo, right?

* Here's something I saw a while ago that I'm surprised I haven't seen more comic people discuss: a very one-sided post by animation critic Amid Amidi about how a planned Spumco coffee table book through PictureBox Inc. fell apart. I've enjoyed Amidi's books when I've read them, and I have mountains of respect for Dan Nadel, so I'm really bummed this fell apart, whatever the reason.

* In happier links that have been floating around my computer: Chris Kohler's Wired story about the continuing popularity of Pokémon the card game with kids is SO interesting to me. Raise your hand if you assumed kids stopped buying trading cards of any kinds circa 2004?

* Speaking of trading cards, this gallery of vintage 1940s Superman cards created by the Shuster Shop is fantastic (link via Mr. Tom Spurgeon). They say great art asks questions, and after looking at this art, I found myself asking questions like "Is that dude just throwing dynamite off a building?" and "Why is Superman fucking up that diver's game?"

Seriously though, I wonder if the card above's red-headed mad scientist is supposed to be the early Lex Luthor? God, I love Sigel and Shuster Superman comics.

* Speaking of some classic stuff I swiped from Spurgeon's site, here are some very meta Joe Simon/Jack Kirby kids comics.

* Topical Link to this blog post Link: Infinite Copyright Is Killing Culture.

* Occasionally I got off on a streak where I buy a bunch of random stuff on Amazon without thinking of the price. Next time that happens, I'm getting some of these gorgeous-looking UK kids comics by Luke Pearson.

* In totally different news, here's two links I've been sitting on that have told me all I need to know about the Manga industry in 2012: Jason Thompson's much-linked to piece on how the manga industry is digging its own grave, and Deb Aoki's 25 most anticipated manga releases of the year.

Linko!'s Weekly Crew Round Up

So here's a new feature focusing on links to the work of me and my compatriots. For now, I'm burying it here, but I reserve the right to get cocky and put it up top in the future:

* Rob Bricken at Topless Robot has like a zillion things worth reading every week, but I was very glad to read him on the official timeline of ever Zelda game ever. He found one of his nerd Grails!

* I love that we live in a world where they make Lego-esque toy lines out of obscure Peter David Spider-Man comics, and I love that my friend Zach Oat is in a job where he interview PAD about both.

* Ben had AT LEAST two fun stories worth your time up on Marvel.com this week: Tom Brevoort on the return of Thanos to The Avengers and Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning on New Mutants.

* Meanwhile on CBR, TJ Dietsch has been killing it with pieces like this DC Collectibles interview with Geoff Johns and Jim Fletcher and this one with Robert Kirkman about The Walking Dead #100.

* Finally, I had a lot of copy go up on CBR in the past week or so that I thought turned out well even for me, including this chat with Ed Brubaker on Fatale and my first ever talk with Andi Watson, one of my A#1 all-time favorite cartoonists.

Let's Get New: Kiel's Free Comic Book Day 2012

What it is! I'm surprised to say that this is the fourth year – yes one, two, three, FOUR – that I've written up my Free Comic Book Day experience here on the Cool Kids Table. As you're probably well aware, I'm a big proponent of the annual industry promotion both as outreach to new customers and a celebration of the old school ones (read more from me on this here).

Like last year, I threw together a video chronicling my stops for your viewing "enjoyment," but my goal for this year's event was to try and stop at as many different Chicago area locations that I HAVEN'T ever been to in order to expand my base of shops where I can pick up stuff and chat up all the amazing folks who dedicate their careers to feeding my funnybook addiction. With that in mind, I had a few other thoughts outside the clip reel above to share on what I was up to. Let's get crackin!

Sadly, my usually stalwart FCBD companion Kegmeister was out of commission this year for a very good reason (he was super, super, super, super, DUPER hung over and couldn't get up at 11:00). But it was still a blast to start my day at the grand opening of acclaimed kids cartoonist Art Baltazar's own comic shop – Aw Yeah, Comics – just north of my place in the suburb town of Skokie. I'd actually heard the store was opening a few weeks back when I traveled to the UPS store in downtown Skokie to mail back the video camera CBR used for C2E2 to Uncle Jonah in LA. As I was filling out the address label, the guy who worked there saw "Comic Book Resources" and just excitedly launched into a "You know they're opening a comic shop right across the street!" conversation. I'd made a mental note then to come back and investigate, but when I heard it was Art's store, that cemented it.

As you can tell by some of the crowd shots in the video and the two cosplayers who were in attendance, the grand opening of the shop had a really festive atmosphere (there was even cake and hot dogs!). But more than that, the great thing about Aw Yeah, Comics was how it was essentially built to be the kind of store parents will bring their kids to. Art painted bright, primary colored murals across the various walls of the store, and aside from a real killer kids comics section and the standard wall of new floppy releases, the shop also boasts a nice toy aisle with crazy amounts of action figures from Marvel, DC, Star Wars and the like. That's got to be a boon to a small business in a high-foot traffic area like the main street in Skokie.

As always, Art and his partner in crime Franco had a long line of parents, kids and fanboys waiting to get free sketches and signed copies of the pair's Superman Family Adventure books. I've got to admit, I was incredibly bummed to hear that DC was pulling the plug on their Tiny Titans effort – perhaps THE definitive kids comic of the past ten years with a lot of young fans – in favor of the Super book, but Art spoke with a lot of enthusiasm about the new project and the crazy guest stars that will appear (including the Tiny Titans).

Aside from getting to chat the guys up, I also nabbed a Kid Devil sketch, which has been a favorite character for my girlfriend Jami and I since meeting one of Art and Franco's young fans at the first C2E2.

But yeah, I definitely plan on heading back to Aw Yeah, Comics before too long.

My second stop on the FCBD tour was Evil Squirrel Comics in Rogers Park. I'd actually been to the shop once before as it was the closest Chicago store that carried my friend Sam Humphries self-published series Sacrifice (Where's issue #4, bro?), and I enjoyed the visit. Though, unsurprisingly, there were a lot more folks filling up the shop this time. Plenty of kids were in attendance, but this was the first time I'd gotten a feeling for Evil Squirrel's core customer base as a lot of dudes there seemed to know each other and were chilling in the all ages-esque reading lounge that makes up the store's bay window area. Tucked away next to an underground theater and some other kind of bohemian-looking shops and such, this seems like it'd be a fun store to go to each week if you were nearby.

Oh, and I should mention that I tried to buy some comics at the shops I hit up for the first/second time on this trip. Here, I got a copy of James Robinson and Nicola Scott's new Earth-2 series, which I think has some legs.

I've been hearing that Third Coast Comics in Edgewater was a really nice store for a few years now, so I was psyched to pencil it in on my tour this year. The place did not disappoint. In a way, this felt like a more established version of the store Evil Squirrel (which I believe has been open for a year) is working to be. Third Coast had a nice sitting area up front with a few local artists plying mini comics and prints and a big section of high-end art and hardcover comics (flipped through Womanthology for the first time in person here) as well as a deep local mini comics rack.

In the second, "creator with a Free Comic in distribution" sighting of the day, DC inker Christian Alamy was on hand signing books for a few folks. He was having a very intense-sounding discussion with a fan. At least I think it was intense. They were speaking French, so maybe it just sounded that way to me. Either way, I chatted up a mom who was picking up free Sonic The Hedgehog and buying new Scooby-Doo for her son. Then I bought a copy of Saga #2 and headed out. Not to sound like a broken record on all these shops, but I'm totally coming back to Third Coast again.

I've had people I've told about my multi-shop FCBD excursions shocked there are so many stores I can hit up in one day. But what's really crazy is that if I only went to Graham Crackers comics locations, it'd still take me all day. This year, I hit a different Graham Crackers location than I'd ever been to: their Edgewater location.

While each location in the chain has its own particulars, all the Graham Crackers I've been to really do feel like part of a chain – similar set up and even shelves and what not. But they're always run by very friendly staff and seem to be full of folks. One thing I noted this year (and I think MAYBE you can tell this in the video above) is that for the DC New 52 FCBD special, Graham Crackers had special covers printed for their chain with the store logo on the cover rather than the traditional "White spot for mailing labels" that most shops get. Being a big account with Diamond has its perks, huh?

For the second half of my trip, I ended up hitting shops I'm more familiar with. Alley Cat Comics in Andersonville is a relatively new store (less than a year), though since I've got a friend in the area, I've been in a few times. As you can tell by the video, the store is situated off the main street in the very busy neighborhood by way of a long alley next to a Potbelly Sandwich shop. I'd often wondered whether being set off only by some (very classy) iron lattice sign work and a sandwich chalk board on the street meant that Alley Cat had trouble getting foot traffic. But it sure as hell didn't seem like that when I stopped by Saturday.

There were a ton of people in the store whose best fixture to my mind is a very well-curated kids comics section (only place in town I've found copies of Princeless), and the manager was saying to a regular that it was even crazier earlier in the day. Aside from picking up some free books, I also dipped into the $0.50 bin at the shop and got Stephen Platt's final issue of Moon Knight from the '90s (FACT: I am an unashamed fan of both that artist and that character). Solid!

Second to last for the day was foundational Chicago comic shop...um...Chicago Comics (sorry, I'm too tired to come up with a more clever transition). I've written about the pleasures of this very well stocked shop in the past, so I'll just add here that you should watch the video above to see how many people were coming in to ask the staff behind the counter for their three FCBD book picks. And the guys working were pretty hilarious in their calling out for comic requests.

Finally, I wrapped the day at my regular Wednesday stomping grounds of Challengers Comics + Conversation. As in year's past, Patrick and Dal tapped some of the local cartoonists with books available on the day to do a signing. This time out it was Chris Mitten signing Oni's Bad Medicine and half of the Four-Star Studios team in Tim Seeley and Mike Norton (each of whom had two upcoming series previewed in Images releases with Witchblade, The Atomics and their team-up series Revival. Early in the day, I saw on Twitter that Challengers had a line going out the door for people showing up, and surprisingly, they still had free books when I got there shortly before the signing ended around 6:00. I was witness to Seeley signing the last two copies of Witchblade in stock as Mitten had maybe just a dozen Bad Medicines left. So yeah, Challengers orders just the right amount of free books, it seems.

Crazily, there were a few more stores I wanted to hit on Saturday that I just couldn't get to including two of my regular shops in Dark Tower Comics and Variety Comics, and I'm pretty bummed I didn't get to check out G-Mart Comics for the first time. But there'll be plenty of time on FCBD 2013 to hit them up. Hell, I think I'll end up doing it before then.

Ben & Jordan Watch Game of Thrones: The Ghosts of Harrenhal

The bonds of brotherhood between Ben Morse and Jordan Geary were forged during their time as students at Connecticut College, where they spent four years losing at intramural sports (except softball in 2004!), forming their own fraternity because the school wouldn’t let them, making student films one professor called “unfortunate” and regularly beating their friend Dan Hartnett in Goldeneye.

Today, they live 20 minutes apart in New Jersey with their respective lovely wives, sharing passions for miniature golf, diner cuisine and the music of Motley Crue. They also both watch HBO’s Game of Thrones and have decided to write a column about it. While Jordan ran out and read all the books on which the show is based after season one, Ben prefers books with pictures and floppy covers.

Bear witness to their wit, wisdom and frequent allusions to Melrose Place as they try to do the tradition of Sean T. Collins and Megan Morse proud!

Jordan: My wife and I ate Chinese takeout before we watched this episode and this scene played out:

Me: I have a weird fortune in my fortune cookie.

Chloe: What's it say?

Me: "If I bring forth what is inside me, what I bring forth will save me."

Chloe: This means you are going to give birth to a shadow demon.

Ben: Mine said “This episode is going to be quite slow and boring but you still need to watch it before Mad Men because you committed to doing a blog. Sucker.”

Those guys writing the fortunes know their stuff, man.

Jordan: And thus we jump right into this episode! In true Game of Thrones style, the action starts right from the get-go with Renly being cut down by the shadow demon that was birthed from Melisandre's loins. With this being such a strong scene in the book, I was filled with anticipation in seeing how this would play out onscreen. While in my mind's eye, I saw the shadow demon as more of a quick-moving shadow-on-a-wall type illusion, I understand how this smoky monster interpretation was more visually striking. I also have to admit that it was quite humorous for me to hear you, my coworker, and several other fans point out to me how much they liked Renly in the previous episode, knowing we were all mere moments from watching him getting "shadow demon'd" right in the belly! Despite what police reports say, I am convinced this is how John Lennon was killed.

Ben: As detailed in our previous installments, I was definitely getting to like Renly and was very interested in him as a different sort of would-be king waging a different sort of war, focusing on his strengths as a leader of men and relying on numbers rather than expertise in warfare. That said, though I didn’t say it last week, I did while watching tell my wife, Megan (who will probably not vouch for me), that I had a feeling he wasn’t long for this world. Obviously any character can go at any time on this show, but Renly and Shae were the two I had marked for death in the early going. I would have been interested to see where his campaign went, but I deliberately didn’t get too attached. This also opens up interesting possibilities as they kept harping on the sheer size of Renly’s army and they could obviously be a game changer. Will they stick with Stannis? They jumped ship to him pretty abruptly, so these don’t quite seem like trustworthy sorts. Robb in some ways seems like Renly’s closest comparison in terms of values and he’s a charismatic leader as well, but obviously of a different fashion. I’d actually be quite interested to have a character brought in who’s a Renly-turned-Stannis banner man to get their perspective on who holds their loyalty and why. Yours for season three, George R.R. Martin, just give me a special thanks in the credits.

I was a little more at ease with the shadow demon’s one scene this week than last week. I do like that it resembles Stannis (or at least Brienne says it does). Megan is convinced this will all tie back to Lost at some point.

Jordan: The relationship with Catelyn and Brienne got highlighted a lot in this episode, which I was happy to see. While Catelyn's character and actress are bland as hell, I find the action super-heroine Brienne fascinating. It was an awesome 1-2 punch of acting prowess for her to be sobbing and cradling Renly's fallen body in one moment, only to then turn into a badass slaying machine once the King's men come in and wrongfully think her the murderer. I am amped to see more of her character as the show moves along.

Ben: I need to see and learn more about Brienne before I invest in her. The little tidbits dropped have been enticing, but I feel like she’s still too blank a slate and just an interesting visual more than a character at this point. I wonder how much of that is not having the narrative of a book to flesh her out more, as it seems you’re far more taken with her perhaps either by virtue of being further ahead than me or just that she’s more defined in written form. Speaking of which…

Jordan: Scene that wasn't in the book alert! That whole Margery, Loras, Littlefinger scene stunk. Yes, Littlefinger makes everything better, but this scene is a perfect example of why some of these added bits work to the detriment of the series. Way, way too many things that were new and eliminated some of the glorious subtlety George R.R. Martin put in his story: In the books Margery doesn't communicate her intentions at any point (leaving the reader the fun enigma of trying to guess if she is willing participant or innocent bystander in the larger picture), Littlefinger is never at Renly's camp, and Loras never is shown trying to figure out where his allegiances lie post-Renly-death. It was all too much. Chuck in that corny "I don't want to be a queen...I want to be THE queen" line and I once again must give a middle finger to the series writers for taking some of the best nuance in the show and pounding the readers in the face with it. I can envision them pleading with George R.R. Martin in the perfectly scripted Ned Stark death scene, "Can we PLEASE rewrite the dialogue to have Ned Stark yell FREEEEEDOOOOOOOOMMMMMM like at the end of Braveheart?! We want to make it REALLY obvious he is the good guy!"

Ben: And for the first time I’ve got to explicitly call you out for having a bias against scenes that weren’t in the book. As somebody who hasn’t read a page, I enjoyed and really needed this bit of exposition. I don’t disagree that subtlety and mystery are wonderful things, but far easier to pull off in a series of novels where you’ve got the space to set the scene as opposed to a hour-long episodic television show where you’ve got to progress the plot for an audience with a potentially shorter attention span. I’m not saying I want every character’s motivations and intentions spoon fed to me, but I also feel like this show already has enough people fleeing or switching sides “between scenes” and I enjoyed getting to have the Tyrells unpacked a bit here. If their post-Renly actions had been covered solely by Stannis’ throwaway line later, I would have been frustrated and disappointed. Writing is a medium more for the imagination, where you’re encouraged to fill in the blanks for yourself, but television is a more visually visceral form of entertainment, and I think letting the actors play out their emotions at a crucial moment like this was the right choice.

And the “I want to be THE queen” line was probably my favorite of the episode. Booyah!

Jordan: Even more than usual, I think we can all agree Lena Headley (Cersei) looked unfathomably ugly in this episode. Whoever directed this one forgot to throw the mountains and mountains of camera filters on to mask it. My weekly reminder to our readers that Cersei is supposed to be the most beautiful and coveted woman in the kingdom, not a twin of Bronn.

Ben: We cannot all agree, sir! I think Lena Headley is a perfectly attractive woman; she’s not stunning, but do you want a supermodel in this part? I do not. Acting ability aside, it would shatter the illusion of the world they’re creating here. Westeros might not be a real place (unless we skipped a huge section in World History), but clearly it’s meant to evoke medieval Europe, where creature comforts were always at a premium. Hence you’ve got folks like the Starks who at their best look like the heat is always off in their house, the Greyjoys, who use dust bunnies made of soot (soot bunnies?) as stuffed animals, and then the Lannisters, who have as much wealth as anybody, but still live in a kingdom where there’s no such thing as electricity or decent showers. Sure, Cersei is supposed to be attractive, but I don’t think anybody from Westeros is supposed to be THAT attractive, so Lena Headley is doing fine.

(The exceptions that prove the rule of my previous paragraphs are Daenerys, who is very pretty but also made of magic and can have dragon babies, Robb Stark, who is probably in a boy band when he’s not at war, and Jaime, who stole good looks genes from his siblings through genetic osmosis)

Jordan: Speaking of Bronn, as usual I absolutely loved the Tyrion-Bronn scenes in this episode. From Tyrion being humorously informed that the kingdom sees HIM as the problem as opposed to his nitwit sister, to them coming upon the Wildfire alchemist’s laboratory, any moment with them is a moment I sit up on my chair and smile. I would totally watch a spin-off buddy series with these two. Bronn once again got the laugh of the episode line by saying, "My pleasure!" gleefully when awkwardly ordered by Lancel to kill him if he rats out Tyrion.

Ben: Tyrion and Bronn are, of course, always great. I agree that Peter Dinklage’s stunned/mortified reaction to learning that the populace hates him was great, as was pretty much everything Bronn said while they were talking with Captain Wildfire (as I have named him). That was a cool scene, actually, as it really hammered home how unprepared and reliant on their wealth Joffrey and Cersei are. They think if they just hire the right people, they’ll win this war for them, but unfortunately their rolodex is woefully out of date and most people don’t like them. Bronn standing there explaining why these are dumb ideas grounds it all and shows why Tyrion is different from his sister in that he’ll listen to anybody willing to talk to him, not just the guys with the credentials. It’s an interesting class contrast thing, and I’m also just intrigued by the examination of warfare. I’m curious how Tywin would be playing it were he in Kings Landing, given that he clearly enjoys his wealth, but is also more practical, especially in wartime; I gather stuff like this is why he sent Tyrion to begin with.

Jordan: Jon Snow's story is on the verge of getting way better. In this episode, we see the moment where he joins ranger Quorin Halfhand (awesome name) and leaves the larger group to go see what those no-good Wildlings are up to. This important moment can't come any sooner for the actor playing Jon Snow, who was already overshadowed by the amazing talents of the guy playing Samwell Tarly. Why? Yet another scene was COMPLETELY stolen from him by one of the best of the smaller characters in the book: Dolorous Edd. For those of you that haven't been given a proper introduction to Dolorous Edd, he is a member of the Night's Watch that is all black humor and sarcasm. He's sort of like the comedic version of the songwriter Morrissey, constantly cracking jokes about how dead they are all going to be and how stupid they all are for putting themselves in bad situations. I loved his lines in this scene, particularly his jape towards the grinning Sam, "There’s nothing more sickening than a man in love."

Ben: The story may be on the verge of getting better, but Kit Harington’s take on Jon Snow certainly isn’t, for my money. His over-emoting is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I want to pay attention to what’s going on in the scene, but his whining “I really really wanna go” routine makes me cover my ears. I’m waiting for him to break out the glow sticks and write songs about how his girlfriend left him. If they really want to go for another big shocking death ala Ned, MAKE IT JON SNOW. I don’t care if it was in the book or not. Jon Snow and Jorah Mormont get caught in a tent explosion ala the time Kimberly blew up Melrose Place—book it!

Jordan: The Theon Greyjoy scene was, as always, entertaining as hell. In this one we see Theon having trouble even getting the respect of the shipmates on his single boat, only to be guided to an iiiiiiiiinteresting line of thinking by his first mate, Dagmer. I once again have to marvel at how likeable the show is making our boy Theon, who is obviously just trying to do SOMETHING right in his life. The only criticism I loudly voiced while watching is that they are making his sister Yara more of a mean bully in these scenes than a likeable she-warrior. In the books, Yara gives off a nimble, hand axe-throwing, cocksure sex appeal as the sister who smiles and pirouettes through scenes while she does everything right. While the Greyjoys in the books are not in any way fan favorites, Yara would UNANIMOUSLY win a popularity contest of "people's favorite Greyjoy." In the show, however, she is a grim, manly, unlikeable figure who seems like she would smell bad and doesn't serve much of a purpose other than to antagonize Theon. For this reason, I must sadly say that I am predicting the show cuts much, if not all, of Yara's future character arc. This is a huge shame, but I guess there is only so much screen time to parcel out.

Ben: Obviously if you hadn’t told me Yara is different than on the show than in the book, I would have had no idea, and I don’t mind it. Using a female character as the foulmouthed sailor bully is an interesting inversion for me; I dig it.

I’m not sure Theon is necessarily likable. I mean, I like him a lot, but I don’t get the sense he’s trying to do anything right so much as earn some modicum of respect from his father, whether the means by which he achieves it hurts others or not. Since his introduction, he’s been driven by a manic need to be respected, admired and loved, which I think makes for a fantastic character, but I don’t look at him as being particularly redeemable. He wanted to be a Stark, so he went along with that, then when it didn’t impress his dad, he went along with him, and I’m sure if he sees Robb again, he’ll flop back over to his side; not particularly admirable, but loads of fun. I’ll never get tired of his unflappable assurance that everybody is going to get on their knees and bow to his greatness—in this case the crew—being constantly undercut. I can’t wait for him to finally win. Hmm, maybe you’re right, maybe he is likable. He’s like a scruffy Charlie Brown and Yara is Lucy pulling her boob away instead of the football.

Jordan: The Bran scene in this episode was a bit of foreshadowing, and was just as dull onscreen as it was in the books. At this point in the books, the reader is cursing loudly every time they turn the page and a Bran chapter pops up. His story gets better, but not yet. One thing my wife pointed out that was REALLY interesting is that in the books the "waves crashing against the walls" dream is actually had by Bran's good friend Jojen Reed (who is an insanely important character in the books). We readers are eagerly wondering if Bran having the dream on the HBO show means that they are outright cutting Jojen or saving him for a future date. I really hope they keep him as he was one of my favorites. My prediction (and hope) is he just pops up later.

Ben: Yeah, nothing to see from Bran scenes, move along. I do like that you are now speaking for all readers of the book though. Greyjoy-esque, my friend.

Jordan: As in the 2nd book, Arya's story in the show is becoming the most interesting one of the bunch. While things could seemingly not be any worse for her in the death-ridden Harrenhal, her unlikely partnership with mysterious prisoner Jaqen H'ghar throws a wicked twist in the proceedings. I could not have been more pleased with the casting of Jaqen, as the actor playing him has perfectly captured his mysterious and deadly personality. Similarly, the actress playing Arya is knocking it out of the park, displaying a likeability and cunning that are undoubtedly the reason she surely beat out bajillions of little girls for the role. The scene that REALLY did it for me was the moment where Jaqen kills The Tickler, makes eye contact with Arya, and slowly and dramatically puts a finger on his cheek to indicate "1". I got the same excited goose bumps watching that scene as I did reading it.

Ben: My friend and our predecessor Sean T. Collins spoke this week about how much it said about both Maisie Williams (the actress who plays Arya) and the show’s faith in her that they put her in a one-on-one scene with as accomplished an actor as Charles Dance (Tywin) and their faith was totally validated. I loved Arya scenes in season one, and now in season two, they’re getting up there with the Tyrion stuff at times. I love the idea that among this cast of warriors and royalty this little girl who wanted to learn to swordfight could well end up one of the pivotal heroes and I think her journey from sometime comic relief to a very serious role has been great and well-handled. If anybody besides Dinklage gets award talk for this season, I think it should be Maisie Williams.

And yeah, Jaqen is fantastic. A wonderfully restrained sense of menace. I’m looking up the guy who plays him on Wikipedia. He’s German. That’s not interesting at all. I enjoy how he refers to himself in the third person and hope he gets a cousin in season three played by The Rock.

Gendry is friggin’ cut. Dude did not look like that on Skins.

Jordan: Despite the one-note acting of Jorah Mormont (I really must do my impression of him for you. I've perfected it), the scenes in Qarth were very satisfying to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah you have Xaro giving his emotionless proposal to Dany...something I yawned my way through while reading...but more importantly you have the fascinating introduction of Pyat Pree, the warlock from the House of the Undying. I LOVE that they teased this for a future episode, and the blue-lipped warlock is every bit as creepy as I envisioned him. The show is doing a great job of showing that Dany is on the precipice of a very interesting journey, one that the television series appears to really be undertaking better than the books. Speaking of doing a better job than the books, along with the rest of the book-reading community I didn't even REMEMBER that masked lady who speaks with Mormont in this scene. The books did a crummy job of clouding every Dany scene with about 5 million pointless characters, so it is a common complaint that it is hard to remember which are important and which aren't. After I looked online I figured out who she was, but damn did it take long time. My message to the writers on the show: In the Westeros scenes, don't mess with perfection. In the free cities (Dany) scenes, please PLEASE continue to mess with them to take out all of the useless characters, locations, and scenes.

Ben: All I can think of as far as Jorah Mormont goes now is ways to gets him and Jon Snow off my TV screen in one fell swoop. If your impression is that spot-on, maybe I can dress up like a refugee from a Cure concert/Jon Snow, we can film ourselves in a battle to the death, then sneak it to HBO in hopes that they’ll get confused and just play it.

Qarth is interesting enough and I agree they’re building an eclectic little cast there, but the highlight of the Dany stuff for me was her learning about Robert Baratheon being dead, the Lannisters taking over, and all that. Hearing her and even Jorah actually saying the names of the other characters that they’ve never been even close to meeting got me excited, more so than I was expecting. The suspense as far as them finally making it to Westeros at some point and what kind of disruption that will cause has among the best built threads on the show for me. I can’t wait to see Dany interacting with the rest of the cast. It almost makes me annoyed that they’re fleshing out Qarth, because it means delaying that moment, but I’ve got to calm down and enjoy. More Spice Merchant next week!

Jordan: Overall a great, great episode and the series is only going to get better from here.

Ben: I certainly hope so!

Jordan: One thought: There are so many characters and plot lines at this point, I wonder how much these actors and actresses actually get paid. Like, this conversation may actually have happened: "Hey! Welcome back to filming on Game of Thrones season 2! As you are playing the role of Jaimie Lannister, you are one of the most important characters in the entire series! We're going to have you on every magazine cover and media event and fans will be DYING to talk to you. (Pause) By the way, you are in one episode this season. Here's a tiny check for one day's work."

Ben: I’m sure he’s weeping into his royalty checks for all the merchandise his likeness appears on.

See you next week!