Multiple Paragraph Movie Review: Rock of Ages

If you don't have plans to see this movie, you can check the spoilers here and then come back.

I saw the stage show of Rock of Ages a couple months back and had a blast, with the full knowledge that it was a weak plot and story held together tenuously at best, but all that was blown out of the water by the energy of the cast, the enthusiasm of the live crowd and, of course, my sheer, unadulterated love for the music at its core. For the film adaptation, my expectations were extremely tempered since the stuff I dug about the play is impossible to replicate on screen (I saw it at 1:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday in a theater with about a dozen people, none of whom besides me I expect could have sung an entire Motley Crue album word for word); I figured I'd spend a couple hours listening to my favorite hair metal anthems and ignore the rest. I'm thrilled to report that the Rock of Ages movie took those expectations and blew them out of the water.

It's the perfect stage-to-movie adaptation in that it keeps the character dynamics and plot points that are pretty universal, torpedoes the stuff that would be diminished without that live interaction, then seamlessly inserts new stuff without overwhelming the framework; most importantly, regardless of what got kept or junked, Rock of Ages the movie maintains the heart of Rock of Ages the play: the look at a period in time and a lifestyle with tongue firmly in cheek that says "we're not going to idealize this stuff, because a lot of it was pretty rough, but damn was it fun anyway." The soul of hair metal! My hat's off to Justin Theroux and company on their script (and of course it would be Justin Theroux who could make this work) and especially to director Adam Shankman. He fully embraces the stuff he's able to do in a film that couldn't be done on stage with mash-ups, montages and more fully-realized sets for the big musical numbers. I feel like when a Broadway show gets made into a movie the directors often get sheepish and focus too much on making the plot more "Hollywood" and not enough on using the shiny tools at their disposal to enhance what they've already got, so thumbs up again, Mr. Shankman.

I was also concerned about Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx, both because his performance had been hyped beyond belief and because the character underwent a fairly significant change between versions (in the play he's a morally bankrupt poser, in the movie he's a more tortured but ultimately virtuous real deal rock star). I need not have worried, because film Stacee is a great character (and much better suited for a cinematic story where the characters need to be at least a bit more fleshed out; again, the changes in this Rock of Ages weren't arbitrary, they were thought out and calculated for a different medium--what a concept!) and Cruise pours himself into the role with a fervor I'd most closely compare to his turn in Tropic Thunder (also written by Theroux), where he last reinvented himself. He's able to make Stacee hilarious in his excess, believable as a guy with issues without sacrificing the comedy, and every bit as big a deal and presence as the story requires him to be--and the dude can sing!

One of the big knocks I saw in reviews of this movie were that the two leads, Diego Boneta and Julianne Hough, cast primarily for their singing and dancing ability, dragged the action down with a lack of acting skills, and I'd totally disagree. Boneta certainly won't be doing Shakespeare anytime soon, but who cares? He's plenty charismatic and has the necessary pipes to hit the big musical numbers. Hough actually can act; she has a real magnetism to her and just as with the Footloose remake is able to create enough chemistry with her more wooden co-star for both of them, which is pretty important here given that Drew and Sherrie's romance, cheesy as it may be, is central to the whole enterprise. I really cared about them (I'm a sap, whatever) and was rooting for them to achieve their dreams, which is more than I can say for quite a few of the protagonists I've encountered in better reviewed films of late.

Besides, any deficiencies, real or imagined, in the acting of the young leads is more than made up for by the veteran and amazing remainder of the ensemble. Most pleasant surprise? Catherine Zeta-Jones vamping it up to high heck and looking like she's having a blast as the crusading mayor's wife out to stamp out rock and roll (a new character not in the play, as--to really run this point into the ground--they're great about eliminating the roles that wouldn't carry over well and adding in ones they need to flesh out the story they're telling). Russell Brand finds his groove probably the easiest as Bourbon Club manager Lonny, a Russell Brand role if ever there was one, and he and Alec Baldwin's Dennis Dupree fill the comedic duo slot nicely (if you were curious, Brand can actually sing, Baldwin cannot, both work for what they need to do). Mary J. Blige can't really act, but that's not really a big issue, as you pretty much know what you're getting when you cast Mary J. Blige in a movie. Paul Giamatti and Malin Akerman are crucial in providing the antagonist (the German land developer from the play is out, Giamatti's sleazeball agent is in) and a love interest to humanize Stacee (I had no idea Akerman could nail physical comedy so well). Bryan Cranston and Will Forte round out the cast with relative bit parts they seize nonetheless. Also of note: Kevin Nash is one of Stacee's silent bodyguards and rocks his one line in "Wanted Dead or Alive"--you go, Diesel!

I've rambled on about this movie more than most (hence the multiple paragraph review) but that's because it really came out of nowhere and grabbed me the way only a flick you go into expecting very little can (probably the last time I reacted like this was Rent, another musical interestingly enough). The poor reviews I've read criticize that Rock of Age's can't decide if it wants to be a total send-up of the era or something weighty, but I think they're missing the point; hair metal is music that doesn't take itself too seriously or not seriously enough, it really just doesn't think much at all about anything but "this sounds cool" ("Nothin' But a Good Time" is the third song in the movie) and that's what Rock of Ages is. I stick by the praise I doled out for the acting, the directing and particularly the craft in the writing as far as shaping source material with a deftness missing far too often with these kinds of endeavors, but at the end of the day, I don't think Rock of Ages is setting out to win any awards, change any lives or make any grand statements, it just wants to give you two hours of kick ass music with a fun story that lets you leave the stress of the real world behind and get lost in the leather and hairspray.

Rock on.

The Best of Rock of Ages (or My Favorite Hair Metal Songs)

On Friday, my wife, Megan, surprised me at the Marvel offices with my parents, who came down from Massachusetts to celebrate my birthday (it’s Tuesday, so don’t worry, you didn’t miss it). They took me out to dinner and we stayed overnight in New York City, but probably the highlight (besides seeing my folks) was getting to see Rock of Ages on Broadway, a show I’ve been wanting to check out since Bret Michaels’ ill-fated Tonys appearance a couple years back.

Rock of Ages is basically a loosely-scripted story of some folks trying to thrive in the 1980’s Los Angeles rock scene with requisite love story, kids who want to make it big, shady characters, etc.; really it’s just an excuse to put on a musical where the soundtrack is all hair metal and monster ballads from Poison, Journey, Bon Jovi and so on, which as anybody knows is music to my ears in more ways than one.

My mother asked me after the show where exactly my love for this kind of music came from—I was after all born in 1982, so I was pretty young during the heyday of hair metal—and best I could manage is that I probably had a camp counselor who liked it and turned me onto it. I can say that from about middle school on I devoured every bit of Guns N Roses and Motley Crue I could get my hands on plus any chintzy collection like Monster of Rock or Monster Ballads advertised on late night TV and there is no music I like more.

When I listen to music, my prime goal is to get pumped up or at least feel some sort of powerful emotion. I like to be able to picture myself doing something epic, to lose myself in the riffs and chorus so I’m squinting my eyes and looking like a fool to anybody around me. Lyrics and poetry are really secondary to me when they come up against rocking guitar or drum solos that make me want to go run a marathon I’ll get winded thirty seconds into; I want to hear guys (and girls) scream rather than sing.

Hair metal can totally be beautiful (the first dance at my wedding, after some persuasion, was a super slow version of “When I See You Smile” by Bad English), but all I’m really looking for is something that makes my arms tingle and makes me want to get up and jump. I don’t get that from today’s music, be it top 40 or indy, though much love and respect to people who do.

I had more fun at Rock of Ages than I’ve probably ever had at a show. The critic in me knows it wasn’t the best show I’ve ever seen (and I’m skeptical on how well it will translate to film this year since it was pretty light on plot and the rowdy, drunken crowd was a huge player in making it awesome), but I didn’t care because I was on my feet smiling, clapping along and scoring high fives from cast members as they ran up the aisle (so glad I took the aisle seat).

Here are my ten favorite numbers from the show, which incidentally are some of my favorite songs from the 80’s period (maybe I’ll get to a second post sooner than later on the songs I wish had made the show but probably got left out due to rights issues; 80’s rockers aren’t always known for their generous spirit with this type of thing).

“Sister Christian” by Night Ranger
Night Ranger’s one (real) hit is a perfect marriage of jam and ballad, with the flowing verses into a kick ass chorus. It’s also right off the bat an example of Rock of Ages’ ability to do what I was concerned they wouldn’t as far as shoehorning the actual lyrics of these songs into a story with very few alterations. The female lead is named Sherrie Christian, so her flight from small town Kansas to L.A. fits the song with her last name as the hook, the early parts following her parents’ disapproval, and the rev up into the “motoring” chorus transitioning her story into a love story with wannabe rocker Drew Boley (they get even more bang for their buck off her name by using Steve Perry’s “Oh Sherrie” for Drew’s second act pursuit of his girl).

“We Built This City” by Starship
Every time I’ve ever heard this song played anywhere, those opening staccatos never fail to get a big cheer, and the crowd I saw this show with went nuts for them. You get little tastes throughout, as the song initially gets subverted by the bad guys looking to demolish the Sunset Strip, but it keeps popping up later on as the voice of protest from those looking to maintain the rock. Great anthem for the cool used to perfection here.

“More than Words”/“Heaven”/“To Be With You” by Extreme/Warrant/Mr. Big
A truly epic mash-up that puts that crap on Glee to shame (and by the way, the reason “Don’t Stop Believin’,” the big show closing number, doesn’t make this list is because Glee ruined it for me, so screw those guys). On one side, you’ve got Sherrie realizing she’s got feelings for Drew with the combination of Extreme and then Mr. Big, two of the best ballads of the era. On the flip side, Drew keeps coming up with terrible lyrics to the tune of “Heaven,” then breaks through with the real deal by using Sherrie for inspiration and scores a gig off his righteous jam.

“Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake
Lonny, the narrator and general comic relief, breaks the fourth wall and sets this first act ending number up by explaining this is where “everybody’s shit is fucked up” and we get a killer montage of Drew selling out to get a record deal, Sherrie turning to exotic dancing, Regina protesting the development and Dennis lamenting the loss of his club; a bunch of different voices (plus the ensemble) meshing in glorious symphony as they march toward the second act.

“The Final Countdown” by Europe
Europe’s industrial rock epic serves as the backdrop to start the second act, with construction crews coming in to demolish the Sunset Strip as our heroes attempt to fight back against the establishment in exaggerated (and hilarious) slow motion. There’s a creepy quality to the booming industrial sound of “The Final Countdown” that makes it ominous, but it’s also overblown enough that it’s ripe to accompany physical comedy.

“High Enough” by Damn Yankees
One of the very best monster ballads of the 80’s plays for Drew and Sherrie’s near-reconciliation, and I’ll let bassist/vocalist Jack Blades (also of Night Ranger) explain why it was perfect: “‘High Enough' was about how you love someone so much and you just don't want to scare them away. And it's like, do I take the next step? And then she freaks out when you go, 'I love you.' And it's like, 'What!?!? I'm outta here!' And you're, 'Wait a minute! Come back!' But then the girl comes back, because in the bridge it's, (singing) 'The next thing I remember I was running back for more.' You know how you get scared at first when you fall in love, and everybody freaks out, and that can't be right. And then you go, Wait a minute, this is great, let's forget about the past. Can you fly me over yesterday? Can you take me high enough to fly me over yesterday?”

“I Hate Myself for Loving You”/“Heat of the Moment” by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts/Asia
A great spotlight mash-up for Sherrie as well as Stacee Jaxx, the rocker diva who she slept with after Drew said he just wanted to be friends and who got her fired from the club (he was one of the best characters in the show—played by the understudy no less!—and I’m super pissed I had to use the bathroom during his intro, which happened to be to one of my favorite songs ever, Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive”) as she asserts her new independence via Joan Jett and he fails at a last ditch grasp at dignity with Asia before getting punched out.

“Hit Me with Your Best Shot” Pat Benatar
One of the running subplots of the show is Franz, the effeminate son of the German developer who wants to level the Strip, falling in love with rebellious city planner Regina (“I’m not gay, I’m just German!”) and trying to find the guts to stand up to his dad. After a great slow burn, he finally does it here, tearing away his suit to reveal a spandex singlet and belting out Pat Benatar’s signature song as he makes his goofy and excellent stand. It looks like the Franz character got cut from the movie (from the trailer at least), which is a bummer, because he was one of my favorites (and portrayed by another understudy!).

“Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon
Probably the two biggest crowd pleasing characters in the entire show are Dennis and Lonny, the aging rocker/owner of the Bourbon Room (where most of the action takes place) and his loyal, surprisingly nimble (dude busts out crazy pirouettes and whatnot) protégé. In the movie, they’ll be played by Alex Baldwin and Russell Brand, so that should be interesting. Here, they confess their “deeper feelings” for one another by singing and pantomiming along to REO Speedwagon’s song the same way my buddies and I used to when we did talent shows at camp (the pantomiming, not the confessing feeling part), i.e. actually acting like they’re opening a door every time they say that line. No number got more laughs and cheers than this one, and deservedly so.

“The Search is Over” by Survivor
A lot of people only know Survivor for “Eye of the Tiger” (if they know who sang that song at all), but as a proud owner of their greatest hits album, I can tell you they are a seriously rocking band who, like the Rocky movies, can pull off poetic as well as they do pump-up. This ballad about realizing the person you loved was right in front of you all along appropriately scores Drew and Sherrie’s romantic reconciliation scene and bridges to the end of the show.

All in all, an awesome experience that I would gladly repeat if any of my pals reading this feel like taking a trip to Broadway and floating me a couple hundred bucks (tickets aren’t that much, but I’d figured I’d go for it).