And for some reason she's seen damn near every episode of "Lost."
Each week of the series last season, I'm opening up the blog to mom to share her thoughts on what happened. I guarantee that those of you who like to read blogs digging in to the metaphorical underpinnings of the show looking for clues and analysis will almost certainly get nothing out of this. And thanks to this site for the screencaps.
Let's begin.
APPARENTLY, MOTHER HAS NEVER SEEN "SLIDERS"
"I still don't believe in parallel universes. I never read a book about that. Name one book you've read about that, Mr. Science Fiction 101.
[I cite the works of Michael Moorcock and try to briefly explain the DC Comics multiverse.]
"DC Comics isn't a novel! Bullshit. Your brother says Slaughterhouse 5. I don't believe in parallel universes!
"In this book I was reading, I have to tell you how they solved their time traveling dilemmas. This woman time travels in Scotland through one of those stone formations like Stonehenge or something. She goes through the stones and ends up in 1740 or something. She's there all through the book. She never gets back to modern times. She just stayed there. Then at the end of the book in the last chapter, she ends up at this monastery – and she's been through all these horrible things, you know – and she's like...should she change the future and tell people these wars are coming and blah blah. So she finally confesses this to a priest that she's from the future and all these things, and he just accepts it all and goes, 'It's like a miracle that you're here in the past. And if you love your husband now, you should just stay with him.' The end.
[Me: And that was the end of the book?]
"Yeah. She just stayed where she was in the past. This is the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. It's a whole big series of seven books, and this is the first one. She just confessed to the priest, and he was a person who could accept it. Because the Catholic Church was always known for being open-minded in the 1740s. Right. He just thought it was a miracle.
"So maybe they'll all confess to a Catholic Priest on 'Lost' and it'll all end up OK. Do you think?"
MEANWHILE, IN...UM...NOT A PARALLEL TIMELINE
"There's Hugo...that was hilarious. That was the hilarious part of the show. 'Oh, I'm sorry I parked in your way. I own the company. Let me get you a job.' And Locke with the girl asking what kind of animal he would be. I think you always read more into this. I think the interesting part was that Hugo was like this kind and wonderful dude. There goes Hugo again being more perceptive than the average bear.
"And that whole thing with Ben in there complaining about the coffee pot was stupid. I thought, 'Oh my God, here we go!'"
ZOMBIE THEORIES
"Sawyer is not going to get off the island because he's going to want to be there when Juliet wakes up from the dead. He might not care if Locke is dead, but he'll care if Juliet's waking up. He might now know that, but we know it as the viewer. So he'll figure it out once Locke does something to him. Not real Locke. Real Locke'll come back to life...and they didn't even put a cloth over his face when they buried him! They just threw some dirt on him. Huh?
"And that strange little cemetery there...everyone in that cemetery is going to pop back up. Why don't they just bury him on the beach? Why did they lug him to the cemetery? That was great though when they buried Locke, and she asks 'Did anybody know him?' And Ben goes 'He was a good person. I'm sorry I killed him.' Then the one guy goes, 'This is the weirdest funeral I've ever been to.' [Breaks up in Laughter] The pilot. He's kind of hilarious. He's just the innocent bystander watching the wreckage go by. Didn't you think it was funny? I don't think they probably meant it to be that funny, but it was.
"Who was that little blonde boy? He goes, 'I know you can't kill Jacob.' And then that girl gathered up his ashes. He's probably going to come back to life too."
THE MONSTER, THE NUMBERS, ETC.
"He's lying to Sawyer. He's a mast manipulator, the Smoke Monster. I don't believe anything he says. Do you? You'd be falling down on the island then because you'd believe that. Sawyer doesn't believe it. He's just going there because he wants to get off.
"And Sawyer should have realized that [the numbers on the wall were 'The Numbers'] because he was down there punching the Numbers in."
THE FUTURE!
"I want to know when Juliet is going to pop back to life. None of those [big mysteries] are interesting to me. JAck is the most interesting one because he's most clueless. The rest of them kind of have a clue. Hurley is always perceptive. Sawyer can see that's not Locke. Kate can always find water. But Jack, he doesn't get it. The only thing he knew was that that one pill was poison.
"And you know, I don't watch this every week, but I do like those little pop up things they play on the repeat. But I'm not going to watch that whole thing again for another hour. I've given this enough hours!"
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