Just Stop It, Hipster Superman

It's no secret that my favorite Holiday is little over a week away, and while I recognize that few things relating to life in general let alone Halloween will ever be as maddeningly exciting as they were when I was nine, I'm still pretty excited to roll out in costume this year and mix it up. But there's one element of the holiday that's really become quite popular in the past few years I'm not looking forward to, perhaps best summed up by this:


Now, I don't want to seem a prude or someone who comes down against sex. Like George Michael said: Sex is natural. Sex is fun. And in general, people who like to dress up as something sexy at Halloween should be one of the most liberating parts of the holiday. But boy oh boy is there a big difference between someone, male or female, who is confident with their body and sexuality and looking to explore that and some who just wants to be slutty. And holy shit, will there be a lot of people slutting it up out there on Halloween this year.

There is nothing that can ruin a good Halloween party like people showing up who are using Halloween some lame attempt at ironic detachment disguising their desire to get drunk, get fucked and then wake up the next day going, "God, I was so wasted last night. I totally don't remember anything. What happened? Did I make a fool of myself/get people to faun all over me, giving me the massive amounts of attention I desperately crave?"

Case in point:

Yesterday, the A-list Tumblr blog Look At This Fucking Hipster linked to a costume contest sponsored by the occasionally repulsive clothing company American Apparel whose rules were that all entries must use one article of AA clothing. Unsurprisingly, many of the entrants take liberties in sexifying some pretty standard costume ideas for no good reason (I'm not really sold on Sexy Hello Kitty for example) or just getting re-Goddamned-diculous (Example 1! Example 2!). Perhaps even more unsurprisingly, there are more than a few superhero costumes included in the bunch, which play out with varying degrees of sexiness and success. Seeing as I'm dumb enough to fancy myself an expert on superhero costumes, I thought I'd waste your time with my own personal critiques of some of the nerd-centric entries.

"Uh...meow, I guess? Whatever. Where's the keg?"

Nearly 20 years after Michelle Pfieffer donned that infamous latex number, and even Halle Berry can't stop Catwoman from being the go-to slutty girls superhero costume. But really, this girl here isn't trashy at all. From the looks of it, she just doesn't care that much. I mean, the caption at her own AA voting page says she sewed the mask out of an old T-Shirt, and I'm still having a hard time believing she's into this costume. Meh. Maybe some people just take rotten photos.

"Tonight, we team up to fight the crime that is my virginity!"

OK, maybe I was a little harsh with that caption, but dude looks like kind of a goober, right? Not that I don't often look like a goober in my photos in general. Anyway, besides the easy to buy at the mall Clark Kent garb, I actually think the ladies in this one really seemed to put their effort in. Unlike some of the other "heroes" on this list (wait for it) who just threw some color-coded shit together and called it a costume, there was some craftiness involved in pulling off a legit Wonder Woman and Aquamangirl (what do you call her?). Plus, Aqua's boots are kind of rockin. Vote for them here.

"He's not my boyfriend. He's my cousin, and I did ask him to shower."

As you can tell from above, I'm all about gender-bending in superhero costumes (my one major regret after this year's Wizard Chicago Con was that I didn't get a photo of the dude dressed as Phoenix), and for some reason I've been seeing a lot of she-Robins the past few years. There's actually another one in the AA contest, but the above Chicago girl really nailed what works about taking a costume from the opposite sex and making it work for you. Not that every girl version of a male hero needs a skirt, but this one solves the problem of Dick Grayson's traditional short pants nicely. Plus you can tell from the "R" to the stitching to the mask that she put her time in.

The Joker on the other hand is pretty fucking sad. Just like every year of late there are a bunch of d-bags out on Halloween dressed up as Maverick and Goose from "Top Gun" or half naked in a Tarzan getup trying to show how hardcore their pecs are in the October cold, since the Dark Knight hit, there have been all sorts of metal-listening misanthropes who think throwing on some Ledger-esque makeup is kind of bad ass. It reminds me of my middle school years where like six kids would show up in your neighborhood for Trick Or Treats wearing a black coat and some shitty The Crow makeup.

Anyway, her caption on the voting spot mentions her friends dressing up as Batman. I wonder why she didn't use that photo?

"No, I'm not busting out of anything tonight, asshole."

I'm a little torn on this one (pun totally fucking intended). On the one hand, I kind of dig a girl who picks She-Hulk as her costume choice. Not so left-fieldy it's totally bewildering to folks, but it's not another Cat or Wonder Woman either. At the same time, I think she could have put in a little more effort. As someone on her voting page commented, if you have to spell out what you are across your chest, you're probably fucking something up. But the costume works up to the point where she doesn't commit to painting her face green. I mean, with "Star Trek" out, people should find green chicks sexy again, right? All I know is that if she is trying to look good, wearing green lipstick ain't the way to go.

"God damn it, I am not Jennifer Garner on 'Alias.'"

I'm about 87% sure I've seen this girl at a con or in one of Wizard's annual costume contest spreads. That really knocks off points in terms of her getting a foothold in the AA contest for me, because if you're doing a contest like this, I think it's better to compete on the same level as the other folks who are doing a one-timer rather than flash your cosplay chops. Maybe that's just me. She does really pull it off though, so points there, and it seems like she's ranking higher than anyone else on this list so what do I know?

"Maybe if I morph into Lebron James he'll stop hitting on us."

Have you ever seen two people who look like their having less fun at a costume part that aren't throwing up into their wig? Maybe they showed up only to realize that they'd been invited to some kind of weird, ecstasy-fueled key party, but I'm betting they're just no fun to hang out with. Props on Mystique though – a costume that totally undermines its half-nakedness by liberal use of weird face makeup and blueness. The flapper girl is a total fail though. Vote for them here.

"My own personal Kryptonite is bands on major labels."

Christ Almighty, was this really necessary? I mean, I rarely get down on hipsters and don't get up in arms about people who could care less about comics claiming superheroes as their totems for all kinds of activities, but these two look like they just shot up and thought it would be performance art to go slap a few Williamsburg hobos around while wearing...is that a fucking throw rug?!? Wash your fucking hair, asswipe.

God, there weren't a lot of slutty costumes in there at all, were there? Um...go comics?