Paragraph Movie Reviews: He's Just Not That Into You

If you don't have plans to see this movie, you can check the spoilers here and then come back.

This was just excruciating. I'm shocked that A) Somebody made this movie (ok, not that shocked, Hollywood is crazy), B) Somebody else thought it needed to be over two hours and C) That so many talented actors read the script and still signed on. It's basically 129 minutes of people having the types of annoying conversations about relationship cliches that you fast forward in other movies and avoid in real life. The dialogue is wooden and stilted and for the most part every character is horribly unlikeable to the point where you want to punch them in the face and then you feel bad because you really like the people playing them. Poor Ginnifer Goodwin, who is so very cute and talented and yet gets stuck playing a neurotic, whiny siren who would fit better in a Wayans movie making fun of such stereotypes in her first major movie role! And Jennifer Connelly won an Oscar once upon a time! Bradley Cooper makes his stuff tolerable by virtue of being Bradley Cooper, but that's also because his career has consisted mostly of taking douchebags and making them endearing, so he's ahead of the curve here. Justin Long is just unbearable though, and Scarlett Johansson ain't much better. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston have the only real chemistry in the cast and theirs is the only remotely compelling story, so of course it gets about ten minutes total screentime. There are also little "testimonials" throughout from average folks and the mom from "Heroes" about supposed relationship truisms that come off like shallow versions of "The Vagina Monologues." As a man, I'm insulted for women everywhere that this movie got made and would be considered by anybody anywhere to have any sort of feminist message. I bumped my rating up half a star out of respect for Kris Kristofferson and would see a sequel only if it consisted of him driving around on a motorcycle dispensing justice on the people who wrote, directed and greenlit this crap.