Pimping My Stuff: War of Kings: Warriors #6

In case you missed it in stores last week--or just prefer the wave of the future known as "digital"--the second part of Blastaar's story in War of Kings: Warriors is available now on Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited!

In the last installment of this cosmic epic, the Living Bomb-Burst returned to his home planet of Baluur in a conquering kinda mood and ran up against his old hometown's deadliest warrior: his own father. This time around, Blastaar and his old man collide and, in case you couldn't guess, there will be explosions! When the dust clears, Blastaar will be changed forever and ready to try and prove he deserves the title of King.

Christos Gage wrote it, Carlos Magno drew the heck out of it, and you can read it right now!

The Definitives: Thor

As a kid, I was a big-time mythology buff (the Greek stuff in particular, but Norse as well to a lesser degree), so it was always a bit weird to me that I never took to Thor in comic book form. However, looking back on it, the Thor comics from when I was younger really didn't cater to what I was looking for as far as larger-than-life epics featuring colorful characters and exotic locales. Tom DeFalco, Thor's primary caretaker during my formative years, was (and remains) a good writer, but he clearly had an affinity for more street-level, earth-centric stories, which I believe is farily well-evidenced by the fact that for a large bulk of his run mortal Eric Masterson played the part of the Thunder God and went on to become Thunderstrike, a character DeFalco still demonstrates great affection for in Spider-Girl (available monthly on Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited!).

In my second "life" as a comic book fan and reader, I have been able to access a near full catalogue of Thor's adventures (though I confess I have still never gotten around to reading the original Lee/Kirby stuff, a situation I very much would like to change), and not surprisingly have become quite enamored with him and his world. Ol' Goldilocks (who, incidentally, is one of my least favorite characters to write copy about as I rely heavily on nicknames to switch up what I'm calling my subjects and his suck) has quite a few rad yarns, but here are a few of my personal favorites.

Visionaries: Walt Simonson
Talk about starting strong. Walt Simonson wrote and drew Thor for almost three years in the 1980's, and of his nearly 30 issues, there was rarely a bad one, truly a feat that demands respect. Simonson had an unquestioned passion for Thor and all the elements that made up his mythology, from Asgard to Odin to Loki to the Warriors Three and so on and son; more than that, he understood the scope of the majesty that a strip like Thor needed and was able to more than live up to expectations of glorious battles and wars that shook the heavens, but he was also unafraid to take unconventional approaches to keep the stories fresh. This is, after all, the man who in his very first issue had a horse-faced alien named Beta Ray Bill partly usurp the power of Thor and later transformed the God of Thunder into the Frog of Thunder. However, my personal highlights of Simonson's unmatched run would probably have to be his multi-part opus, the "Surtur Saga," which saw Thor, Odin, Loki and just about every other Asgardian team up to battle the demonic Surtur in a widescreen masterpiece that I daresay holds up to this day as one of the best pure prolonged action sequences comic books are capable of providing, and the emotionally hardhitting "Like a Bat Out of Hel!," the violent tale of redemption for the Executioner recently reprinted in Thor: God-Size. Walt Simonson's Thor remains not only the measuring stick for the character, but also just a damn fine piece of work regardless of qualifiers. Here's a link if you want to buy the first Thor Visionaries: Walt Simonson collection, but you're gonna want them all.

Blood & Thunder
Ok, so just a couple paragraphs up I was (kinda) bagging on the Thor of my youth, but as with just about every comic I read semi-regularly as a kid, there are things I remember fondly, if through self-confessed rose-colored glasses, and the "Blood & THunder" crossover would be the example of that phenomenon for Thor. It's a 13-part story crossing through Thor, Silver Surfer and both Warlock books (Infinity Watch and the Warlock Chronicles) and centered around the God of Thunder going batshit insane due to years of Odin tampering with his head. Beta Ray Bill, the Surfer, Adam Warlock, the Infinity Watch, Doctor Strange and even Thanos all attempt to slow down this runaway train and they all get their asses handed to them in pretty short order as Thor is pissed, powerful, and gets his mitts of Drax's Power Gem to make matters even worse. The story is pretty formulaic with each slugfest building to a bigger one in the next chapter, but it's harmless fun and well-executed for what it is, so I recall it fondly.

The Dark Gods
Following the "Heroes Reborn" event, Thor took a little longer to get his own ongoing series back than his contemporaries, but it was worth the wait. Writer Dan Jurgens dropped the Thunder God into a world where his fellow Asgardians had vanished and Thor was forced to play the unfamiliar role of detective in order to reunite with his people, and along the way he encounters the all-new menace of the unfathomably powerful Dark Gods. In the year-long arc that re-launched the new series, Jurgens brought an unfamiliar feel to Thor by employing elements of mystery and thriller as opposed to just the straight sci fi and adventure that had been the character's hallmarks for so long. By denying his title character the comforts of Asgard and his stalwart companions, Jurgens gave Thor an edge he had been lacking in the years leading up. However, as good as Jurgens' story is (and it's good), no question the legendary John Romita Jr.'s art takes the spotlight more often than not, and deservedly so as it's awesome stuff. JR Jr. has proven he can draw just about any Marvel character and make them look dynamite, but the hugely-muscled, wildly colorful world of Thor proved as perfect a fit for him as any assignment he's ever had.

Blood Oath
If there's anybody who has approached Simonson-esque levels of being simpatico with Thor in recent years, it's Michael Avon Oeming, who has written some of the very best stories starring him as well as Beta Ray Bill. Blood Oath is definitely my favorite Asgardian Oeming joint though, as it's got a rockin' retro feel to it and also features amazing art by one of my faves, Scott Kolins, whose work I discussed here not long ago. This six-part gem has its roots in classic mythology as the Warriors Three are framed for murder by Loki and Thor accompanies them on the resultant hero's quest to claim a series of legendary objects that will somehow prove their redemption. It's a tried and true framework and Oeming has done his homework as he weaves bits of various myths from several cultures into the story. Besides being a total mark for Kolins' art, I have a soft spot for the Warriors Three and there's a great Thor vs Hercules clash midway through the series, so Oeming knows how to sucker me with this one. I also dig that this is a true timeless tale you could hand to anybody if you wanted to demonstrate the appeal of Thor to them.

Ages of Thunder
More than once, my good buddy Sean T. Collins has said that creating a good Thor story is like creating good heavy metal, and no creator seems to get this like Matt Fraction. The trio of one-shots Fraction penned last year read like a Black Sabbath song put to paper in comic book form, with extreme violence and over-the-top almost lyrical narration as the order of the day. Fraction's stories follow a young, undisciplined and somewhat aloof Thor as he defends Asgard against Frost Giants, causes mayhem in Midgard, and generally makes his father Odin grimace. The initial special, the one actually called Ages of Thunder, is probably my favorite as Fraction sets up a clever tale about the Frost Giants nearly outwitting the Asgardians' due to lazy arrogance before Thor comes in and solves the problem with his hammer in immensely satisfying fashion; Loki is at his snivelling and overmatched best, the Enchantress is hot and Patrick Zircher steps up his game to 11 in illustrating the glorious bloodshed. However, as much as Ages of Thunder and it's wonderfully named follow-ups, Reign of Blood and Man of War, are blockbuster action stories, Fraction is also nicely building a dark fable about Thor being a monster of Asgard's own creation due to their over-reliance upon him, and sews the seeds for Odin to step in and deliver the ultimate spanking.

J. Michael Straczynski
Since his run on the book is now almost over, I feel like I don't come off so much as a Marvel corporate shill when I say J. Michael Straczynski's two-year stint on the latest Thor series really has been quite brilliant. Again, like the best Thor creators before him, JMS has been able to walk that line of making sure the series has its classic elements while also making bold alterations, chief of which was of course moving Asgard to the heart of Oklahoma and making the interactions between gods and mortals some of the book's true highlights. JMS has redefined his leading man as well, maturing Thor from a young and hungry warrior into the weary leader who longs for his younger days, while also exploiting new modern avenues with the Donald Blake alter ego, including his stint serving as a part of Doctors Without Borders. JMS' grand story has been a well-executed balance of action, palace intrigue, soap opera and philosphy beautifully rendered by Olivier Coipel as well as Marko Djurdjevic. It's a bit soon to say how history will ultimately judge this latest era of Thor, but I'd say its prospects are farily golden.

Has Entourage run its course?

I was introduced to Entourage about three years ago by my then-Wizard colleague and now-Marvel colleague Ryan Penagos, who passed me the DVDs of the first two seasons. I had heard tons about the show, which had a lot of buzz, and flew through those early episodes pretty quickly in time to hop on season three live. It's never been my favorite show on TV, but Entourage is definitely different from just about everything else out there and something I consistently look forward to on Sunday nights.

But after the sixth season premiere last night, I'm wondering if after a solid run it isn't time for Vince and the boys to call it quits.

When it premiered back in 2004, Entourage was an interesting look inside the film industry and the culture of fame based roughly on the real life events of Mark Wahlberg and other members of the production and writing teams. It also was--and remains--very much a male adolescent power fantasy of sorts, as burgeoning movie star Vinnie Chase and his boys get to live it up with beautiful women, ridiculously lavish parties, giant-size mansions and all the cool toys they can get their hands on. However, despite all that, the show succeeded not just with guys, but with ladies as well (my fiancee is a fan, though her interest has waned of late), simply because it's a well-scripted, well-acted piece of television that celebrates and analyzes a world that most of us are fascinated by.

The first two and a half seasons followed Vince's rise from mid-level star to megastar following the success of a fictional Aquaman film, as well as his buddies and brother emerging to various degress in their own endeavors and his agent, Ari, taking increasingly aggressive risks that lead to him being booted from his agency, forced to start his own, and briefly fired by Vince. Romantic subplots are interspersed throughout, but the really intense stuff is the interpersonal relationships between the guys and the trials of business. Vince's own mismanagement of his career, E's success on his own, Ari starting from scratch and even Drama and Turtle branchin out on their own is where the true meat of the show comes from.

I'd say Entourage arguably peaked in the second half of season three and into season four, but also began to show the first signs of cracks in the facade. Vince gets a new female manager (played by the always awesome Carla Gugino) who he naturally falls for. Meanwhile, both E and Ari work to secure the film rights to Medellin, Vince's dream project. Ultimately, Ari is able to get the deal done and returns as Vince's agent, while E hires Billy Walsh, a brilliant but eccentric director he had clashed with in earlier episodes, to head up the project, which he and Vince will produce. This leads to season four, which centers around the production, editing and release of Medellin, during which E has major problems with Walsh and even Vince, leading to some of the most tense and raw episodes of the show.

But honestly, as good as season four was, the tipping point was when Vince parted with Amanda during season three and rehired Ari.

The split between Vince and Ari was a watershed moment on the show because it was the first real sign in nearly three seasons that things could go wrong in the storybook lives of this crew. Obviously they were going to reunite eventually, because Ari is a huge part of the show, but the speed and ease with which it happened reminded you that as much as Entourage seems like a "real" examination of Hollywood life and politics, it is very much a scripted half hour show that relies heavily on formula.

Season four ended on another positive note, not for the characters but for the audience, as Medellin bombed at Cannes and it seemed as if Vince and his career were fucked. Indeed, the fifth season opened with Vince on a beach somewhere ready to abandon working as an actor while E and Ari prepared to focus on their own enterprises. However, the show once again quickly circled back to the status quo as Vince is lured back to L.A. and his buddies drop everything to help him rebuild his career.

Every time the fifth season showed signs of moving in a different sort of direction with Vince facing actual adversity, rather than him having to claw his way back, stuff just fell into place for him, right up through the season finale where he is seemingly down and our back in Queens but E somehow moves heaven and earth to get him cast in a Martin Scorcese movie. I found it more frustrating that throughout the season both Ari and E had chances to really break out on their own, particularly when Ari is offered a job as a studio head, but Vince basically guilts them into not advancing their own careers because (on a metatextual level) that would offset the rhythm of the show's dynamic.

It was in season five that I realized I really didn't like Vince very much. Adrian Grenier is a skilled actor who plays the role of the entitled pretty boy to perfection, but the writers have really made the guy tough to relate to or have a kinship with. We hear constantly about how Vince came from nothing and earned his way to where he was, so that was kinda cool in the early season because you figured "maybe this could be me," but time and again he has slacked off, acted like a child and generally done nothing while E and Ari save his ass time and again and he rewards them by whining when they dare to attempt success outside his sphere of influence. Kevin Connolly, who plays E, is actually given top billing in the credits, I'm guessing in part because he is an infinitely more likable character, but as much as you want the show to be about his journey, it never really gets to be.

And that's really the problem with Entourage at this point: you know what you're going to get and it's nothing groundbreaking anymore. The status quo is never going to be upset to any great degree. Ari is never going to be anything more than an agent. E is never going to leave Vince. Fuck, Drama is never going to be that successful because it would ruin their material.

So the big tension points of the sixth season premiere were that E might get his own house and Ari's assistant, Lloyd, wants a promotion. Even though Lloyd was the B-plot by far, it's the more interesting one, because when all is said and done, E is not going to get his own place and will continue to live with Vince and Turtle until the show wraps.

So here's the question: should Entourage keep going? Because the thing is, even though it is very predictable, it's also reliably entertaining if not exactly the trendsetter it once was. The material is still funny and entertaining, the casting for supporting roles and guest stars alike is fantastic, and Jeremy Piven sure as hell isn't winning those Emmys on his personality and charm. Entourage could run several more seasons and continue to be moderately successful, but it's also going to stray further and further away from being the exciting, unpredictable show it once was.

Do you go out while you can still at least remember being on top or milk the run you've got for all it's worth even when you know your best years are behind you? Given the subject matter of Entourage, it's a pretty ironic question to ponder.

Paragraph Movie Reviews: Bruno

If you don't have plans to see this movie, you can check the spoilers here and then come back.

It's kind of tough to critically analyze a movie like Bruno, which almost half mockumentary and half sketch comedy, so in my head I defaulted to what I gather many other people did as well and just compared it to Borat both as I watched and afterwards. Unfortunately, I really liked Borat, and frankly this just didn't measure up. Despite the fact that it was essentially a movie about fooling regular people and making them look foolish, Borat still had a certain earnestness and sincerity at its core that gave it a sort of uplifting quality that Bruno lacks. For one thing, for all his flaws, Borat is a likable character, somebody we root for and feel like we're in on the joke with; Bruno is arrogant, dismissive and offensive with no real redeeming qualities that make you want to forgive him and side with him over his patsies. The bigger issue with Bruno vs Borat though is that the latter did have some semblance of a throughline and larger story to hold it together whereas the former really does just feel like a list of skits and bits that Sacha Baron Cohen came up with and then strung together without any real decent transitions. There's also no question that Baron Cohen's increased visibility in the past couple years and the success of Borat raising the profile of his characters hurt Bruno as you're even more skeptical about what's real and what isn't and wondering doesn't make the movie more provocative, just less genuine. There are some truly funny parts of Bruno to be sure, but I noticed most of them involved extreme and graphic sexual comedy, which was more of a rarity and "final level" type deal for Borat, whereas here it feels like they couldn't figure out more subtle but equally funny alternatives. Also, like Borat, Bruno is definitely a movie you need to see in theaters because a rowdy audience is a key component of what makes it work, but Borat is still good enough on its own that I own it on DVD while I doubt I'll even rent Bruno. Don't get me wrong: Bruno proves that Sacha Baron Cohen is still a very funny and incredibly brave performer, but this film lacks the heart of his previous effort.

Linko! XIV

* Hey...if you're coming to the CKT for the first time today, I guarantee you you'll have a better time reading the post below this entry than you will Linko! this week. Just sayin.

* Some Canadians are totally awesome link: This post on Canada's McGill University newspaper McGill News has a surprising amount of fun interview content with university alumni Mariko Tamaki, Bryant Paul Johnson, Roberto Acguire-Sacasa and J. Torres. That's a pretty damn diverse group of people when you sit back and look at it. (Via Tom)


* Speaking of Tamaki, her cousin and collaborator Jillian Tamaki has a great series of images inspired by the Cordial drinking scene in Anne of Green Gables up on her blog which Hope Larson jokingly referred to on Twitter as the "First YA novel to tackle such hard-hitting topics as preteen drinking." That just killed me. I read that book so many times as a kid, carrying around a beat up hardcover copy my mom had when she was little, even though it had the phrase "A GREAT BOOK FOR GIRLS OF ALL AGES" splayed right across the front cover. I also had a major crush on Megan Follows and watched every season of "Avonlea" on the Disney Channel. What.

* Also from Tom: Bill Watterson's introduction essay to the work of George Herriman led me to discover all of the cool content on This Recording, which I'm pretty sure just reposts shit that's really interesting like this account of Wes Anderson meeting Pauline Kael and the subsequent fallout.

* I've seen this "History of the Internet" meme done a few different places over the years, but with each successive update, I find whatever faceless person who came up with it more of a modern day Nostradamus.

* I swear this will be my last Michael Jackson link: if you're an audio engineering nerd (and I know several of them) you'll probably dig this post by Bruce Swedien on how the final mix of "Billie Jean" came about.


* When he was in college, Mark Waid wrote poetry about Ace, the Bat-Hound.

* Found while looking for a good Ace, the Bat-Hound image Link: I Believe in Bat-Mite, a blog that once again proves every comic book character in history will eventually get their due on Internet.

* This week's "Sent to me by Everyone" Link: I haven't listened to any of the tracks on this Muppet Mashup album yet, but I hear they're pretty good.

* Beat me to the punch Link: I'm going to be starting a whole series of posts on '90s superhero movies next week, and when I get to "Darkman" I'm feeling like I'll be referring to this AV Club review an awful lot.

* Tim Leong Link: A Complex gallery of the 50 greatest action movies ever, complete with most bad ass lines of dialogue.

* Sometimes it takes a while Link: I guess this Kool-Aid Man parody by Alan Moore and Peter Bagge was posted online over a year ago, but now a bunch of people are sending it around thanks to Twitter. I got it from Tom Peyer.


* This video of Dan Didio talking about Wednesday Comics on Fox Business News is funny to watch in the same way that those episodes of "The Office" where Michael says something racist on accident are.

* Finally: There's going to be a haunted hotel in San Diego the week of Comic-Con. Who's going with me?

The Greatest Piece of Intellectual Property Theft I've Ever Been A Victim Of

Let's go ahead and file this one under "The Internet Is Fucking Crazy, Case #438,394,875,222." Above is a screen cap from Marvel Comics' MarvelKids.com site, which we've spoken about here a few times. It's got games and cartoons and other kid-friendly content starring Marvel superheroes. Fun for the whole family, right? But were you aware of the other, super secret, Canadian MarvelKids site? No, it doesn't feature Alpha Flight, it features content swiped from American comics bloggers.

Rewind to last week: my friend Laura Hudson of the always indispensable Comics Alliance e-mails me with a subject line that simply reads "Have you seen this?" and a link to what looks vaguely like my entry to Linko! XI on the "weblogue" MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com. I say vaguely like because...well, there have been some slight alterations made. Shall I elaborate?

Here's me transitioning from links involving the election protests in Iran to that goofy X-Men sex chart that's been going around:

All right, back to our regularly scheduled stupidity. The above screencap is only a fraction of the madness that is sprawling relationship map of the cast of the Uncanny X-Men. I remember being in high school and the girls at the lunch table doing this with friends of mine. In any event, as Agent M said to Topless Robot when it was passed between them: "That's like the videotape in The Ring. Once you see it, you have to pass it on so you don't die. MADNESS."

Now here's the same section from MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com:

All perfect, up to our regularly scheduled simple-mindedness. The immune to aside screencap is reclusive a fraction of the ridiculousness that is sprawling relationship map of the send of the Uncanny X-Men. I about being in elaborate State school and the girls at the lunch columnar list doing this with friends of lode. In any anyway in the fact, as Agent M said to Topless Robot when it was passed between them: That’s like the videotape in The Ring. Once you conceive of it, you cause to pass it on so you don’t lessen. MADNESS.

Yup. As far as I can tell, what this blog does is take American blog posts in their entirety, translates them into French, translates them back into English and then reposts them devoid of credit, context or (in the case of Linko!) links.

And it doesn't stop with the CKT! You can read the retranslated version of Hudson's own "5 Greatest Michael Jackson Moments in Comics" which somehow turns the word "dead" into "two-dimensional" amongst other HI-LARIOUS switcheroos, and there are also think pieces swiped from the Hooded Utilitarian, some particularly bizarre reviews and much, much more.


My personal favorite comics-related swipe involves what the site does with Heidi MacDonald's mock Royal We from The Beat. Here's Heidi on her trip to the recent Wizard World Philly show:

Given the Wizard organization’s well publicized personnel downsizings, it was a pleasant surprise to see so many attendees at the show on Saturday. (The other two days, traditional ghost towns, upheld that tradition from what we heard.) PR from Wizard pegs attendance as 30,000 — it wasn’t that many, perhaps a third of that, but the crowd was encouragingly diverse. Lots of parents with young kids dressed as their favorite characters, girls and boys. The girls in particular were notably adorable and enthusiastic…oh Marvel and DC, when are you going to figure out that this is an audience that can only grow?

And here she is after she's been "blogued":

Given the Wizard organization’s luxuriously publicized personnel downsizings, it was a welcoming disconcert to meditate on so individual attendees at the plain on Saturday. (The other two days, stock ghost towns, upheld that lore from what we heard.) PR from Wizard pegs assembly as 30,000 - it wasn’t that individual, Deo volente a third of that, but the great deal b much was encouragingly distinctive. The girls in notable were oddly appealing and in good. Lots of parents with minor kids dressed as their favorite characters, girls and boys. oh Marvel and DC, when are you thriving to fathom gone that this is an audience that can contrariwise plant?

But wait, you guys....it's gets SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better! The best posts to MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com involve things that have little or nothing to do with comics at all, including this casual review of "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen":

That weapon is unseen in the pyramids (makes sense), and the final forty-five minutes of the big are an action-packed final settlement in the abandon. The Decepticons (the villain deride Transformers) demand this forcefulness because they can deplete it to power up a mammoth glimmer gun that destroys stars, and they demand to disable the bric-Е-brac (just because they’re villain guys), and with it, Planet Earth. There are no greater than harmonious distressed moments, like when Sam and his shocker girlfriend Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) are hiding outdoors in a uninitiated clay bind and a bantam robotic critter creeps past a protestation flaw and discovers them moments in forefront of the roof of the bind is torn dotty beside a mammoth Decepticon. That entirely was as a naughtiness.

I'm not sure if that review is positive or negative, but it kind of makes me want to see the movie anyway. And oh man...I have no fucking clue what this thing is, but it may be one of the most wonderful pieces of language I have ever encountered. Please, click through and experience "All I thirst for is a Cookie, The Green Mama":

He was peacefulness half asleep. They are sluggish and peacefulness all excited and they foul odour like a quaint flatter of babies and drool and they in genuinely suffer to you be tabled and neck them and ruffle their ringlets. I attachment it when my kids are peacefulness half asleep. This ungenerous slice of Fortunate but lasts a some minutes, but I attachment it more than any other before you can denote ‘Jack Robinson’ in the prime.

You know, back in the day when I worked at Wizard, there was some European comics blog set up on blogspot that would take the news stories we'd write and just repost them top to bottom with images and all, only graciously cutting out bylines from the proceedings. That really chapped my ass, but MarvelKids.quebecblogue.com? I'm actually kind of flattered that this exists. Do you think it's an actual dude who just really want to get our stuff out there or some bizarre robot who's obsessed with the same things as Ben and I?

I wonder if they'll translate this post.

Wizard Features That WERE: The Goonies 2

Late February was always a fun time of the year in Wizard planning meetings, as it was around then that we would begin to hatch ideas for the April issue, which meant April Fool's gags aplenty. This ranged from fake ads to false news items, but it was also tradition to devote one Up Close feature to a 100% fabricated upcoming comics project that we would do our utmost to convince fans was actually happening.

I was a big fan of these masterworks coming onboard to the staff, having chuckled to such goodies as the Geoff Johns/Phil Jimenez Captain Carrot revival (which Geoff then ended up kinda doing in Teen Titans during Infinite Crisis), Brian K. Vaughan's "Three Dog Night" (starring Underdog, Hong Kong Phooey and I forget the third one in a murder mystery) and Ben Templesmith's horror take on Count Chocula and friends in "General Mills Massacre." So naturally I begged to be given the chance to head up the 2007 edition.

I don't remember how it came to me, perhaps because I had watched the movie some time before the meeting, but I locked on to the idea of doing something involving The Goonies. Because it was only a month or so before Buffy the Vampire Slayer launched as an ongoing comic picking up where the TV show had left off, and because Goonies creator Richard Donner had entered comics part-time as a co-writer on Action Comics, I came up with the notion that a Goonies sequel done in comic book form was not that implausible. No less than Sean T. Collins his own damn self loved the idea and jumped at the chance to edit that bad boy (i.e. Sean and I came up with an excuse to have numerous "meetings" where we'd come up with fake Goonies plots).

Immediately I approached veteran April Fool's joke perpetrator and Donner protege Geoff Johns with the idea that he would be the co-writer of the fake project with his mentor, which he was totally enthused about. While we knew Donner himself wouldn't have time to actually participate in the ruse, Geoff did make sure to get his blessing both to go through with it and to stand in for him in a fake interview (the last thing either of us wanted was Dick reading about a Goonies comic he was apparently writing and not be in on the joke).

We kicked around some rough ideas about details/gags for the article (Geoff was definitely the one who insisted Data have "a bandolier of iPods"), but as he was stretched pretty thin with comic and movie work, we agreed I would come up with a rough outline for what the story would be about then shoot it to him so he could give me quotes from him and "Dick."

But you can't ask me to write the plot for a Goonies sequel and only do a "rough outline." That would be criminal.

No, I totally wrote a multi-page treatment that included a plot tying in Sloth's origin to Bigfoot as well as complete character breakdowns for where each of the kids had been for the past decade and a half. I probably blew a deadline for an article I was supposed to be writing about 52 or something because my genius ideas for "Goonies: The Search for Sloth" were consuming me. I even sent the draft to my buddy Jordan, the biggest Goonies fan I know, and asked if he were presented with that and didn't know it was a joke would he fall for it--his response was, "This is a joke? You asshole." Sean read over the draft, made some additions of his own (and became a co-writer in the process by virtue of his contributions), and we were off to the races.

So I sent the draft off to Geoff, he told me I was disturbed, then we conducted a pretend interview with me, him and "Dick." Around this time, Wizard editor Brian Cunningham also secured artist Matt Haley, who had just gotten done working on several Superman Returns comic prequels and a series of amazing Firestorm covers, to provide original art for the piece. Brian more or less took point working with Matt to create our vision of the adult Goonies and it came out perfectly (I can't find a version of the piece small enough to post here, but you can view it in all it's glory here).

Time passed, seasons changed, boys became men and the issue saw print. I am pleased to say we fooled many a Goonies fan into thinking their day had finally come. Geoff and I promoted the crap out of our "project" on his Comic Bloc forum. It took a few weeks before people checked the date the article was published and came screaming for our heads, but by then I had had plenty of time to bask in the satisfaction of a prank well done.

A year or so later, Geoff was doing an interview and somebody asked him if he ever would seriously consider working on a Goonies sequel, be it a comic book or a movie. He said he totally would but then mentioned something along the lines of "but it wouldn't have that ridiculous Bigfoot stuff in it."

Douche.

The full article seems to have been lost to the ravages of time and Wizard relaunching their web site a dozen times, but I found a portion of it so you can experience the magic.